Bunches of Randommm

Man, you guys... I'm sooo bored. I just got back from this awesome church party and there was dancing and couples and I was like, "Meh. I'm single." My two friends were there and they were so cute with their love interests or whatever you want to call them.

Anyways... I thought you might want to read something from a book I wrote with one of my friends. I've been thinking about this friend a lot. She's been having a hard time with some stuff and I'm not exactly sure what's going on. But I want to be there for her in any way I can, ya know? She's one of my best friends and I don't want to ruin that with anything stupid that I usually do.

You know what? I think I'll write you guys a poem instead.

The Crop

This crop

It is in the dirt

Buried

In darkness

It is unloved

Not cared for

Taken away

Stolen

This crop is unable to be changed

It is now loved

Cared for

By you

By me

By all

When it is uprooted

It is loved even more

It is cut

And shredded

It is hurt

But loved

What is it to do

This round crop

That has been enclosed

Unloved

Not cared for

But is now being tended to

These crops

They can no longer be covered 

Or unloved

Because they are loved

By people

And so many others

Because they are no longer covered

Potatoes

No Title

All right, guys... It seems that my entire blog is just about ranting. Maybe I will become a psychiatrist and then I can help everyone out with their problems on my blog and I can turn it into an advice column.

Haha I was kidding. Anyways...

I've got another friend. Oh yes, I do have those. A select few ;) Nah, I really do have friends. But wait... That sounds conceded to me. Ah whatever you guys know what I mean. Back to the point.

So this friend I have... She's having some issues with feeling lonely and also feeling misinterpreted, as a word for it. Well, I just want to clear up for me that this friend I've got is wonderful and awesome and everything you could ask for in a friend.

I want to speak for me and me alone. I don't try to mock her with a "friendly" tone. I say these things wholeheartedly and truthfully. I see in her my former self, my cousin, and most of all, my friend. She does things that are adorable or cute, and that's why I say that.

I mean, come on. When she gets nervous or is just simply standing around, she waves her arms up and down and kind of looks like a baby bird or a squid or something and it really is cute. I believe she should be excited that we think of her this way. We don't - I don't mean it in a mocking tone. I mean what I say.

I feel pretty close to her now because we are in marching band together and stuff, but she brought to my attention the issue that guard and band are separated.

Yeah, I already know the divisions of guard and band. For crying out loud, I've been doing this since - well, this is my sixth year. So, I'm a pretty old veteran when it comes to band. There is definitely a division there.

And it's not that we want there to be one, it's just that the guard and the band are different from each other, ya know? Well, we all love each other the same, we just do different things. The band people that do not socialize amongst each other with the guard are idiots, honestly.

I have friends (shocker) in both the band and the guard and in different grades both lower and higher. I've never had a more close-knit family of classmates than I do in marching band. I love it. I love all of them.

There are some that do not like the guard, likewise for the band. I don't know what their reasons are, but that's how it is. :/

Another point was brought up. We gossip like middle schoolers. Yeah, dude, that's true. I'm not going to deny it. I take part in it, but the only reason why is because this girl we're talking about degrades me and makes me feel like I am nothing.

Yeah, I talk. I try not to - Boy, do I try not to. Usually, I don't. But when it comes to this girl's boyfriend who happens to be my best friend, I'm gonna tell him straight up what I think. I don't try to encourage or discourage him in his decisions, but I do support whatever choices he makes, even if he is stupid sometimes...

That gossip is normal. And I have heard plenty in the guard too... But that's besides the point. Actually, that really has no relevance so scratch that out.

Back to the band. We can be clique-y, but can you blame us? A bunch of awkward, antisocial nerds coming together to put on uniforms and march around a field in the hot sun until we pass out from dehydration or heatstroke... We are probably going to find someone and stick to them like glue.

That's what I did my first year because that best friend I just talked about who's a guy and is pretty stupid sometimes, he just up and left me to fend for myself. He bullied me. I just stayed with him the whole time, but the guy I made a special connection with (let's not be weird here, we were and are just friends) was a sophomore.

He played the mellophone. Also known as the portable french horn. This guy was my new best friend and I really did stick to him like glue. He didn't care that some new girl who was just starting out in middle school wanted to hang with him. He welcomed me into this band family and the relationship that I had with him is what I strive to have in the new and members today.

Some kids are liked more than others, and that's a problem. I agree.

We need everyone to be united in Christ.


Straying away from all of that... My dog died today. I watched him take his last breath. It was very sad and I haven't really stopped crying. Man, I really open up to people on this blog. I don't usually show emotions. Anyways, yeah... I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight and I have an English thing due tomorrow so I need to finish that up.

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and and even better rest of the year! (Sorry for the abrupt conclusion!) I'll write again soon!

-Ashton

AP=PH.NL

All right, dudes, here's the chiz. I've got this friend, ya know what I'm saying? And, well, she thinks that there isn't anyone out there who understands. Well, let's see if there is.

Fights. Arguing. Cursing. Depression. Crying. Pain. Sadness. Missing. Lonely.

All of those things are things that she said she is or said she is feeling. Not only that, but she's just really down all the time and never comes to school. And I need her, dudes! She's my bestie and when she breaks down, that's something to be worried about because she is a very strong person.

Ya know... I get it. I don't understand. At least, not what she's going through. But I do understand all of those feelings up at the top right there. All of them. I have felt them, am feeling them, or will feel them. We all do. Some of us just have it a bit harder than others.

Do you know what I say to that? I say that there is a reason. God has some reason for your hardships, your trials, your sadness and depression. It's all part of life, my dear. There's nothing we can do about it. Life has the easy way out and the hard way out. The hard way is pushing through and figuring out where to go from there. And the easy way... I'd say it's not easy.

So this friend of mine... I know she reads my blog and I just want to say that you're really putting yourself down right now. Try to think of the happy things in life, even if you don't think there are any. That's what I've been taught to do. There are plenty of people out there who have a worse life than me.

Yeah, my parents are divorced and there's a reason for that and I think that it's my fault sometimes... I get sad about those things and that I'm making my parents worried with my grades and it's all just... I'm a burden sometimes. I get it. I have burdens a lot. My life... I've gone through a lot more than most people should or ever will have to go through, but I don't want to look back.

I know it's hard right now, my dear, but just remember that through great struggle comes great grace. I know it doesn't seem like there is going to be a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow, but I promise you, there is. For all of you guys out there who believe the same thing I do, I'm glad!

Because life... Life is hard, so don't take the easy way out. There are ups and downs and rights and lefts and you're basically on a roller coaster of time, but soon, that time will be gone and you'll be left wondering what you did and how you did it.

I'm not saying you need to forget your entire life or no longer think about the past and I AM DEFINITELY NOT SAYING YOLO!! But what I am saying is this: Life has many obstacles, and one of them is yourself.

Being self-degrading and hurting yourself and being depressed, staying locked away and hiding your emotions isn't good for you. You guys, I want you to promise me that you'll ask for help from a friend or a family member, anyone that can help.

Because I didn't. And I wish I had.

"Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get." - Forrest Gump

RANDOMMMMM

All right, so here's the deal. I'm doing homework, and I just kind of felt like writing. Do you know how long it's been since I've felt like writing? Awhile...

Don't ask me why because I have no earthly idea why I just suddenly wanted to write. Maybe it's because NaNoWriMo is coming up soon, or maybe it's because I felt a little lonely... I'm not sure. All I know is that I need to get this homework done soon so I can go to sleep.

There's a lot of stress right now, and yeah, I love school and friends and all, but then again, grades are just awful. Not that my grades are awful, just getting graded for things is awful, ya know?

Anyways, I felt like writing, so here we go.


Reflection

As I look into the mirror, I see something I have never seen before. Something foreign to me. These eyes are not mine, and yet, when I move or blink, this person does the same.

But her eyes are not mine. These eyes are blue. Those are red.

This foreigner, though she is not me, she is.

How can I understand and get used to a life that is so new to me? The sights and the smells are different than usual. Everything is so overwhelming and I can't concentrate. I never even wanted to be this way. It's not my fault - it's his.

I slowly reach my hand up and touch the eyes looking back at me, the cold glass sliding underneath my fingertips. My hand falls to my side and in one swift movement, the mirror, shattered, is all over the floor. I turn around and out of the corner of my eye, see a pair of red eyes staring back at me.


**Check in every now and again to find out more about this girl as the story progresses.

Lyricist and Wolves

All right, guys, so here it goes. I am supposed to be doing homework and working on all of these things for school, and yet, I am sitting on my butt writing this blog. Do you know how frustrated I am that I can't even come up with a simple history essay?

I have written so many English essays and even an entire novel, and yet, I don't know what to write for history. My teacher even gave us three main points to expand upon and I am just sitting here like, "This printer paper is really soft... Why does it feel so fluffy?"

Anyways, I wanted to inform you guys of this new happening. I am now a lyricist for this upcoming band! My friend started his own screamo band and stuff and asked me to write him a poem, which I did. He liked it and has asked me to write him more. I'm actually pretty excited about this, except for the writing part.

Yeah, I'm good at poetry and I LOVE MUSIC, but this whole writing thing isn't really working out for me. I don't want to write anymore. My passion for it is gone. I don't want to stand up and speak in front of people or have to write things down on a white board. I don't want to be an English teacher anymore.

You see, I like numbers. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my math class - almost as much as I love music. Crunching numbers calms me down, and so does music. I listen to music as I crunch numbers. It's what I do. Or rather, it's what I want to do.

I'm trying to come up with some lyrics right now that have to do with dreaming and happiness. I'm not quite sure what stance I am going to take or exactly how I am going to develop the dreaming part, but I'll figure it out and let you guys know how it goes! I promise that next time I won't take as long to write another blog post.

Btw, the posts from earlier that talk about those crushes I had... Yeah, they're all pretty much invalid now. I mean, there's still this one guy that I have a crush on, but I won't say who. I'll leave that up to your imagination to see who I picked. And also, I don't really want to like anyone, ya know?

Anyways, how about a story?

I'll take that as a yes ;)

------------

Anther takes my hand in his and looks into my eyes. "I've liked you for a really long time, Threllion... Won't you go out with me?" I look away from Anther as my cheeks turn a bright red. I quietly scuff the bottom of my sneaker on the floor, trying not to seem extremely eager.

"You could have just said no, Threl..." I look up at Anther and see that he is already turned around, walking away from me. I notice that the back of his neck is streaked with random black lines, and I immediately run after him.

"Anther-" I rest my hand on his shoulder, but he jerks away from me. "Please, Anther..." He looks at me and I take a step back in surprise, not expecting his dark brown eyes to be pale blue. I rest my hand on his arm once again and his gaze follows my hand.

"What're you-"

"Can't you tell how I feel?" Anther looks down at me for a moment, puzzled by my words, before he takes a deep breath. He runs his fingers through his hair and I see that he has completely calmed down. Both his skin and eyes are now back to normal.

Suddenly, a pair of strong arms wraps around me, encircling me in warmth.

Almost instantly, though, the warmth disappears. It is replaced by the numbing chill of the ice cave. Now I remember... I open my eyes and see Anther pacing back and forth from one end of the cave to the other. "Anther?"

"I'm so glad you're awake! I think I came up with a plan to get us out of here and everything! Okay, so first we will wait out the blizzard and then-"

"Anther... We're stranded in here. I can't-"

"Don't you dare give up on me, Threl."

"But my leg-" I look down at my contorted leg and a wave of nausea washes over me as I see a bone protruding from my purplish-yellow skin. I cover my mouth with my hand and squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to see anymore.

"We'll be fine. As soon as the blizzard clears, we will be able to change and you'll be healed." I shake my head and take a few deep breaths, trying to suppress the stinging feeling in my eyes. It is to no avail. Hot tears run down my cheeks as I accept my fate.

Anther walks over to where I am sitting and slides down the wall until he hits the floor. He drapes his arm over my shoulders and pulls me close. "Why are you so upset about this all of the sudden? Was it your dream? It was just a dream, Threl..."

"Anther, I'm not going to make it through another day. I've already lost too much blood. And even if I do make it through the night, which is highly unlikely, I won't be able to move around and run with you. I won't even have enough energy to change."

"But-"

"Anther, if this is our last night together, would you rather us spend it arguing over my life or reminiscing about all of the good times we've had together?" I lay my head on Anther's shoulder and listen to him go on and on about his favorite parts of our friendship. I close my eyes and fall asleep to the sound of Anther's voice, ready to leave this earthly world.

We were best friends. We loved each other deeply, but our love was not enough to keep us together. Anther was right about the blizzard stopping quickly and was also right about me making it through the night. But the unexpected happened the day after that horrible blizzard.

Anther died.

Lifetime w/ a Story

Oh my gosh guys! I just finished these two really awesome stories! And one of them made my ahjdhflhsadkja and then the other did the same. I literally finished both of them last night and I couldn't even! I was so happy and sad at the same time! I couldn't deal with it! I just couldn't! They were both so cute and they're up there with my all time favorites!!


Story

Kel's Diary:

So anyways, I just thought that today and everyday would be a great day to tell you that I care about you. There have been a few instances where I've run into some people that didn't really want to keep on living. Even though I had no clue who they were, I felt that they just needed someone. I talked to them and helped them out, and everything was going well.

Don't worry, there are no "buts" in this story. See, all I wanted to say was that I love everyone and even if you don't like me, or if you even hate me, I will always leave a spot for you in my heart. These people that didn't want to live, I helped them realize the need for living. That they had a purpose in this world.

"Kel! It's time for school! Come on!!" I close my laptop and slide it into my messenger bag, running down the stairs and out the front door as my mother hands me a piece of toast for the road. I hop into Gavin's car and begin munching on my breakfast.

"Kel, how long were you going to make me wait?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Gavin rustles my hair and I punch him in the shoulder.

"Ouch! Come on, I'm driving!" Gavin looks at me out of the corner of his eye and sighs. "You shouldn't do that. You're a girl."

"One, that was sexist. And two, if you don't want me to punch you, don't aggravate me!"

"Sorry, Miss Touchy-Feeley..." I punch Gavin once more and he winces, rubbing his shoulder.

"I don't know, neither do I want to know what exactly you're trying to imply." By the time I'm done with my breakfast and Gavin has pulled into the parking lot, classes have already started. "Gavin, we're late again!"

"It's not my fault that your fingers are glued to that electronic device of yours! It's been ages since anyone has ever used those things! Why do you insist on using it even though they're old and outdated?" I shrug and place my hand gently on my bag.

"Maybe it's because I feel that every time I type something with my fingers, I feel that I am reaching out to someone far away. Maybe I've helped a lot of people and I just don't know it yet. Somehow, though, I can feel that the things I have written have really brightened up someone's day. Someone... Somewhere..."

"Somewhere in that loopy head of yours. No one uses laptops anymore, Kel. Get over it and just go outside for the sunlight every once in a while... Like the rest of us. What happened to the Kel who used to play with me everyday after following me home from school? I miss that Kel..."

I didn't realize up until now that Gavin and I had stopped walking. He's closer to me now than he normally is. Since he's a lot taller than me, my face only comes up to his chest, but somehow, this closeness feels...different. "Gavin..?" I slowly look up to find him staring intently down at me.

His hand brushes against my cheek and I immediately take a step away from him. "Gavin, Kel, what're you doing?" Arel walks up to the two of us and wraps his arms around both of us. "Are the two of you skipping school this early in the morning?"

Gavin and I both shake our heads and Arel looks at the two of us questioningly. "Then, what're you-"

"Nothing, big brother. It's nothing to get concerned about." Gavin begins walking to his locker before I can even finish my sentence. Arel stands in front of me and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Kel..."

I quickly walk past Arel, but he grabs my arm. My eyes follow Gavin as he gets farther and farther away from me. "Please, Arel, I'll tell you later when we're at home." Arel narrows his eyes at me, but I feel his grip loosen, so I wiggle out of his grasp before he changes his mind.

By the time I get to the lockers, Gavin is already gone. "The only good think about lockers is that ours are next to each other, so we can talk in between classes and all... Even though we're in different grades, we still have our lockers next to each other. That's good, I guess."

"Of course it is. Now, hurry up, slowpoke. We have to get to class before the teacher thinks we're completely skipping out. Want me to walk you to your classroom?"

"Sure!" I smile at Gavin as he picks up my books, the two of us walking down the hallway together.

I'm glad I have a friend like him. He may be the only one, but he's the best...

Post--#--2

I wrote this first post for you guys... It was a life story kind of post. I decided not to post it because posting certain posts isn't good for anyone. I don't plan on posting it, but if I see anything like I saw earlier from someone again, I'll debate about writing something up. I wrote this second post instead of that earlier one...

My choice is simple.

The questions is, is yours?

Think about choices and what's going on in your life. That's all I have to say. No, I don't know some of you all that well, but I know enough. I know that sometimes you hurt and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're not.

It hurts.

Life.

Simple.

Sometimes I keep things bottled up inside, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I like to sit and listen to music for hours, sometimes I do my homework right when I get home, and all of the time, I pray for the world.

I pray for life. To not hurt. To shine. Life is wonderful and not so. It's so complex and beautiful that it's hard to understand. So how can something that words cannot describe, not matter how much you try, be so simple? We may put adjectives to it, but it's different for everyone. No one's life is the same. It's completely different. Every time. So...

Simple, really?

I disagree.


Here's a poem for you:

Veiled

I cover myself in shadows

So that I no longer have to feel

Pain

Remorse

Sorrow

I veil myself 

So that no one can see

My true identity

I don't want to be veiled

Covered

Lost

How can I take this veil away

No, it is impossible

I cannot take this away

No matter how hard I try

This veil

It covers

And destroys

I cannot hope

Because of this veil

I cannot trust

Because of this veil

I cannot love

Because of this veil

This veil haunts me

It scares me

And makes me petrified

Of what my future may be

What is my future

This veil covers it

And I cannot see

The fog is too thick

And I cannot see

This feeling hurts

Blindness

How do I disperse it

How do I see

I no longer remember

Any sense of direction

Or any way to see

Any way to breathe

I am being suffocated by this veil

This veil

It hurts

And destroys

Why me

Why am I to be punished

By a veil that I cannot

Hurt

Destroy

Why is it me

Why am I to be punished

It does not make sense

Will it ever

I do not know these answers

But maybe someone else does

A best friend

A family member

A lover

Yes, one of them knows

But who

Who could possibly know

The real me

And my veil

What if someone far away knows

Or what if they're close to me

What if they're already in my heart

What do I do

If they've already torn down my veil

No 

I haven't trusted someone

Not like that

But what if they figured it out

All from just looking at me

What then

What would I say to them

I would tell them everything

All about me

Even if it means

Means hurting

Means disbelieving

Means renouncing what I have veiled

This life

My veil

What if

What if it disappears

When I meet them

Maybe it will disappear

I must try

And uncover this dark veil

The dark veil that covers me

And contains me

It will be broken for the first time

But for the last

Only for one person

Now

I have veiled myself

In something pure

A happy veil

With someone who sees through

The veil of shadows

I am happy now

And with the one

Who sees the true me

xXxXx It's Not So xXxXx

**STORY AT BOTTOM OF POST

Overview:

I don't know how many of you guys watch PLL, but that season finale was so intense! I don't even know where to start haha :) But right now my head is so confused with the ending and everything just seems so jumbled. I can't believe it!

So... I'm a little scared for this year, guys. So many things going on and I don't know how to work them out. My once best friends are wheedling their way back into my life and then my other best friends are dropping me off a cliff and then these people that I didn't even think of as possible friends are now my friends and I just- it's been a really long week, and it's only Tuesday.


A few questions:

Why is life so hard?
--> It's life - that's how it's supposed to be. If it wasn't hard, life would just be called, "super happy fun time."
Why does my best friend insist on hiding things from me?
--> I don't know about you guys, but my best friend has been acting weird lately. I mean, last year this person was telling me to stay away from this guy because my friend was afraid that this dude would "hurt" me. Then, when I asked my friend why they felt that way, they said they couldn't tell me until I was older.
What does that even mean?!
--> I don't know... This person really confuses me, but I stay friends with them because I can't help it. They make me smile :)
Why are there all of these questions?
--> I just wanted to fill up some space in this blog...


STORY:

I feel as though I am being watched, but when I turn around, no one is there. I look up at the streetlight and pray to myself that he'll be here soon. I look at my watch and sigh. It's quarter to twelve, what could he be doing?

Suddenly, there is a loud screeching sound and everything around me darkens. I am aware of a slight feeling of weightlessness, but as quick as it came, it was gone. I feel my body hit the ground, but I'm not really there. I can see everything from a distance, as though I am looking at everything from above the earth.

I'm dead...

I look inside of the car and see him unconscious in the front seat, with blood running down the side of his head. I don't want to die yet... Not without him. His eye twitches and then he opens his eyes completely. "Ouch... Baby, what happened?"

He shakes his head back and forth and gets out of his car, walking around to the front. "What happened?!" He picks me up in his arms and I feel a slight tingling sensation in my back. He kisses my forehead and I see tears run down his face as he looks back to his car. "I was just trying to text you to tell you I'd be a little late. I didn't- I'd never mean to-" His voice breaks as a sob rises in his throat.

I can feel a stinging at the base of my neck and there's a lot of pressure on my body. Jolts of pain make my body convulse and everything goes black. I feel an enormous amount of pain as it courses through my body and when I slowly open my eyes, all I see is white.

Maybe I'm not dead...

Then, I see his face. Flashing red lights make my head ache and I close my eyes again. Everything fades away and I am left to my imagination as to what happened for the rest of that night.

I spent the next three months of my life in a hospital, having surgery after surgery, and he stood by me the whole time. He was able to do this because the charges of texting and driving were dropped when the police learned that his friend was behind the wheel, not him.

He was in a motorcycle accident a few years later, and the same thing happened to him. I've always wondered why, exactly, our lives were spared. I still haven't found the answer. but I know that someday, I will find my purpose in this world. We all will.

Sins in the Snow

I have so much to do before tomorrow and I don't know what to start on or even how to start. Sometimes I wish I could just sit and chill and not have anything to worry about - oh, wait. I did. It's called Summer Break. Stupid me...

Anyways, thought I'd share a story with you guys and see how you like it.


I run my hands over the smooth, brown bark. It feels as though I was just here not too long ago... It's been an eternity since I came here, and yet, it still looks the same.

My two-year old runs around in the snow, making light giggling noises as he catches snowflakes with his tongue. I smile at him and all of a sudden, a pair of arms wraps around me. "Don't sneak up on me like that!" I turn around to face my husband and push him away playfully, but as I look into his eyes, I know I can't lie to him.

"What's wrong? You haven't spoken a word since we got here... What's so bad about this place? We did, after all, go to high school here..." I take a deep breath and shake my head.

"It's nothing, really." He takes a step towards me and cups my face in his hands, brushing his thumbs back and forth across my face. He searches my eyes for a moment, trying to understand why I am so upset, and right as he leans down, there is a loud cry coming from where our son is.

We both turn to see our red-faced son sitting on his bottom, crying his eyes out. My husband runs over to our son and I lean against the old tree. You know why I'm upset... He has to live a life without any idea of who he is.

And he'll never fit in. He'll never be normal. It's all my fault, too... If only I could have been more careful. We could have come out of this without any problems, but no... We had to have our son chosen for the Pods. How could they just take him away like that?!

"No, I won't let them!" My husband turns to face me, with our son in his arms, and when he sees my face, he just shakes his head.

"I won't either... That's why we came here. To start over..." I take another deep breaths, trying to calm the beast raging inside of me. My husband hands our sleeping son to me and I take him in my arms, brushing a strand of brown hair behind his ear. I press a kiss to his small forehead and a small tear escapes my eyes, rolling down my cheek.

"We are coming back here for him, Jade. Do you understand?" I look up at my husband and see that his eyes are glowing a fiery red.

"Lucian..." He closes his eyes and shakes his head before looking back at me. He looks away from me once more and I notice a tear drop fall to the ground. "It's-"

"Don't! Don't defend me!" A deep growl rises in Lucian's throat and before I know what's happening, Lucian's on the ground with his head resting on our two-year old's stomach.

"Daddy?" Layton looks up at his father, and as I kneel down in the snow, I wrap my arms around the two of them.

"Sh, Layton, it's okay..." I hear a car door slam shut and then Layton is gone. I whisper optimistic thoughts to my husband, but mostly they are for myself. "He'll come back. I know he will..."

Layton was brought back three months later. Considering that he was just a child, he had no idea what had just happened to him. None of us did, really... All we know is that when you are two years old, you are taken to a hospital and a lot of tests are taken to make sure that you are ready for the Pods.

When Layton turns twelve, he'll be made to enter a maze that is meant to take out the weak members of society. It is of such great magnitude that it takes two months to complete. Everyone is chosen to enter, but only six percent of people come out of the maze. Lucian and I were two of the lucky ones.

After the first maze, you are put back in one until you turn seventeen. The next five increase in difficulty, but the time is cut short. The second is seven weeks. The third is five weeks. The fourth is three weeks. The fifth is three weeks. The sixth is two weeks. The seventh is only one week.

You go to school one day and then the next, half of your class is gone. By the end of the week, only four classmates return. It's scary, never knowing when you might have to enter the Pods...

That's why Lucian and I are running. We don't want Layton to have to go through what we went through. We will do anything for him - that is why we have decided to go into hiding. No one will know who or where we are. They won't even know we're gone.

We've moved every month since then. Lucian teaches Layton in schooling and other methods that we use. If we are ever found, we'll be ready. We have a secret that no one has ever figured out before...

Until that day happened...

Pressures

So... I started school again. I've had a lot of homework put on me recently and what always comes with homework and school? Pressure.

There's been a lot of negative pressure lately.

I've decided to take the highest level English class and the highest level everything. All Honors and AP... Except for History - that is Honors though I could take AP if I wanted.

There's also been this dramatic thing going on between some of my friends... Well, acquaintances, really. I still don't have the full story, but from what I know, these people aren't the nicest. I heard two different sides of the story.

I'm usually the mediator between my friends' fights and crushes and sadness, so that's always something that is pressuring me.

A lot of pressure this week, guys. Hopefully there won't be as much next week...

Til then...

Random..? Or not so much..?

I'm learning how to play the piano. It's actually not as hard as I thought it would be, but it's still challenging...

That was just something that you know about me now. Anyways, here's my real post:

I wander through the beautiful meadow. My white dress barely touches the tips of the green, green grass. As I turn around, my hair flows down to my shoulders, creating a sort of golden frame for my face.

I see a figure off in the distance. He looks kind of lonely for some reason. I wonder why that man over there is all by himself? I skip over to him with the biggest smile I can muster. I sit down next to him and just stare at him, waiting for him to do something, say something.

"Hey, what're you doing?"

"Watching the clouds as they move across the sky, waiting for someone to join me. Would you like to?" I nod to him as he lies down in the grass and then, I copy his actions.

"So, I just watch the clouds as they go by?" The man nods and we just sit there for what seems like hours, watching the clouds move across the sky like sea foam in the ocean.

After a little while, the man sits up and stretches. He turns to me and says, "All right, well, that was fun. I think it's time to go." I look up at the man with sad eyes and plead with him.

"Awww, do we have to? Do we really gotta leave?" He smiles and snickers to himself.

"Yes, we really do gotta leave." He laughs and shakes his head. "Your grammar... Come on, now. Let's get going. Your mother has dinner ready."

I stand up on the trampoline that sits in my backyard and walk over to the small stepstool so that I can get down. Dad goes down first and turns back around to face me, holding out his hand.

I reach up and grab the big hand that is filled with warmth and somehow, I know that he'll always be there for me.

"I love you, Daddy. Happy Father's Day."


I hope all of you father's out there have a wonderful Father's Day. And I hope all you kids wish your father a Happy Father's Day. Be grateful for the time you have with him and cherish every second!

No Insp Yet...

So, I've been trying to write this post for a while, but I realized that it's most likely not a very possible thing to do... You see, basically, I haven't been able to write in forever. I don't know what it is...

I've been trying to write this book that's been on my mind, but it's not... I just haven't been able to think of a way to start it. Yeah, I have a while to figure out what I want to write and how I plan on doing so, but - I just don't understand why I can't figure out what to write.

Well, maybe I should just try my hardest to figure out what to write, how to write it, and when I should have the time for doing so...

You know, I think I'm going to start on it now. Maybe I'll upload it soon or give y'all a sneak peek of it. Well, at least the prologue. So far, it's about two sentences... But I do have at least two or three chapters already written. I'll figure out where everything goes and then, maybe, I'll end up writing something worth people reading.

OR

Maybe the book will just magically appear in front of me and say, "Send me to a publisher! I'm the best book you have ever seen and I think you can make it in the writing-biz!"

OR

I'll just write as I go along and then I can see how everything progresses from there.

Yeah, I think that last one is my best choice...

3...2..1! MB

So, marching band is starting up on Friday. That'll be fun - colorguard has already started, though. They have tryouts and whatnot before we do, but that's cool haha :) I've got some big news though! It's going to be announced tomorrow, so I guess this is a spoiler... I'm going to be in the leadership this year - SQUAD CAPTAIN!! I can't believe it! I'm so excited and I can't wait for marching band this year!

Beware, new marchers... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Just kidding, but seriously, band size doesn't matter as long as we have fun and enjoy everything - glorifying God in the process. Music is my way to vent sometimes. I look at my clarinet and I just think, "Wow... I've been doing this for seven years. I can read music and march and memorize things all at the same time in 100 degree weather - and it's great!"

Marching band is probably one of the best things that has happened to me. I love it so much and you know, it's more than just a band. We're a family. Every time one of the seniors leaves, I cry a little bit on the inside. Except for two years ago, I actually cried a lot then... But that's another story. I'd try to describe what it's like to be on the field, performing in front of so many people and moving at such a fast pace - with a schedule to follow and a period amount of time to go by...

But I can't.

I mean, let's see...

I look straight ahead at the marcher in front of me, his plume is already beginning to wilt in the August heat. I focus on my clarinet, steal a glance at my shoes, and then scold myself for looking down (something you never do in band). I look back up at the wilting plume and try my hardest to suppress the growing smile on my lips.

You'd think that after four years of marching band, I'd be getting better at hiding that smile. Oh well... Maybe it'll be better in a minute. I blink a few times as sweat gets in my eyes. Attention is called and the whole band moves as one. I look up at the bright stadium lights and put my mouthpiece up to my lips. This, right here and now, is what I have - the whole band has striven for. This moment on the field - the audience quiet, the soft sound of the insects buzzing around in the muggy night sky.

This is the moment. My moment. The band's moment. Our moment.

Writing..?

I have writer's block... I know I promised some stories, but I just don't know if I can write anymore. It seems that ever since a week or so ago, I haven't been able to write or conjure up any type of anything. No poems, no stories, not even any ideas.

But I've had a lot of rants, and I do apologize for those... I just wish that this whole writer's block thing would blow over. Then, I'd be happy a little.

So, I have this leadership thing going on right now, and it's a great opportunity! But I don't know how well I'll do... If I get the position, that'd be awesome! But what if I don't?

Man, I've been so down lately for some reason... I guess I'm just tired. And the fact that it's rained for, like, ten straight days doesn't help either.

And also, everything is changing. Feelings, friends, classes, years, ages, EVERYTHING!! It's all moving too fast and I can't keep up! I don't know what to do and I freak out and I just need to calm down and take a break...

Too bad I have homework and a test tomorrow. And a project of sorts...

Maybe my stories will come back soon. Maybe not... But I sure hope they do.

Ranting...again

So, I don't know if I talked about my middle school years... But all I have to say is that something most recently came up that reminded me of those. I call them "the years I don't speak of" just because I never talk about them.

And no, I am not about to start now.

What I will say is that this thing that happened that reminded me of middle school... It wasn't good. It was bad actually. Just some issues with people - girl drama. I think I mostly got everything worked out, at least that is what I got from it.

But it taught me a lesson... One that I have learned multiple times, but it finally clicked with me this week.

That whole "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is a great saying and all... But it's not true all of the time.

Because words hurt.

And the thing that I taught to these other girls, and hopefully they understand... Is that when you have a problem with someone or what they say or whatever it is, it's never okay to let things build up. Because when the little things build up, it hurts both of the people. And the other thing is, if you have something to say, come up to the person and say it to their face because 1) it makes things not get misconstrued, and 2) it's just easier that way.

Know what I'm saying? ;)

No names, no actions, no words. None of it's mentioned here. And it's not going to be.

Well, I guess that's all :)

P.S. I hope someone got something out of this post... Because the lesson in this particular one is important and KEY for me...

Who knows what this post is..?

I don't even know, but - whatever. Okay, here it goes.

You know that guy that I was talking about before? The one I thought I liked? I don't like him anymore. Yeah, sure... He's sweet and adorable and all the things you'd wish for in a guy, but I just, I don't feel that way anymore.

The guy my mom brought up, I still stand the same on that. I don't like him that way - I thought I did once, but that was a long time ago... And besides, I've known him so long that he's like my brother. Honestly, how many of you would date a sibling? I mean, really..? That's what it would be like if that happened - WHICH IT WON'T!

Now, my friend brought up this other guy... He's had a crush on me for a while - 2 years. And yet, he's 3 years older than me. I'm not gonna say a lot about this one because there's not much to say.

There's this other dude who completely creeps me out, but he, like, loves me. He told me this year that he's had a crush on me for 3 years and I was like, "Well, there goes that friendship..." I waved goodbye to it as it flew out the window.

So, yeah... Those are the adventures that I've had with my guy-friends. Now, if I were to tell you about all of my girl-friends... That would take me forever. So many stories to tell, and yet, I won't.

Because I'm... I'm me.

Haha, well, anyways... How about a poem? I had inspiration for this one from a big tree I saw at the beach.

 The Climb

I look up from the bottom.

I am afraid of this height -

It is so far,

And I am afraid I cannot reach it.

I am so afraid, 

I walk away -

I stop in my tracks,

Turn around.

I plant my foot

On the bark,

And begin to climb.

I climb from the bottom,

And reach a small branch.

I grab onto it,

Swing myself up,

And look down.

This height -

It is scary,

But I will not go down

Back to the bottom.

I look up,

And continue to climb

Until I get a bit higher.

I reach the top,

Looking down.

And I think to myself,

I will not go back down -

To the bottom.

But when I turn around,

I see the tree extending -

And the height gets insane.

I plant my foot,

And take the first step.

Classified

This post is going to be a venting post, so if you don't like it, I suggest you get off now.

So a few of my "friends" have been saying things behind my back... And you know, that's cowardly, don't you agree? Just say it to my face if you have something to say. Freaking say it to my face! But no, just go chat about it to some other person who you could be talking about too and have them tell me!

What are we? In the fourth grade again?! "So and so doesn't like you anymore so we're not friends..." I mean, what the crap?! I have had two hate letters in my life, and I'm not that old! No one should have hate letters. EVER.

And what do I get in return? Gossip! I've already gotten two too many hate letters and way too much gossip in middle school!

So don't judge!

And like I said before, yeah, words don't bring me down and I don't care what you say. But should you really be talking about me? I mean, really? Come on... I know that whoever is doing it is better than that... So come talk to me about it and I won't get mad. I just like having explanations is all.

Talk to me or don't. Your choice. If you come out and say it, cool. If not, cool. But just know that if I was saying things and the person said to just talk it out with them, I would. AND I HAVE DONE THAT BEFORE.

Talking things out helps, that's all I'm saying.

That's all.

What's-His-Face (Part 3)

here's something to cheer you up:

I am walking down the hallway with some friends when Dalton passes by me. He says, "Hey, shiny... Still shining?" I smile at him and just roll my eyes.

"Yeah, that's me. Shining up the world over here." Dalton laughs and keeps walking, trying to get to the lunchroom early. He passes through the door and stands there for a second, holding the door open for me to pass through. Then he leaves to go sit at his table.

I walk to my table and see that some of my friends are there, but because I just finished up the organ part of the dissection in anatomy class, I decide I better go wash my hands again - for the fourth time. After my "magical" trip to the restroom to wash my hands, I go back to the lunchroom and sit down next to Julinka.

Julinka is this adorable girl in my grade, she's so cute - like a little kid (she's going to hurt me for saying that). Anyways, I look at her and say, "Didn't order? I thought there would be FCA today..."

Julinka nods and says, "Yep. I didn't order because - I just didn't." I laugh and motion to the lunch line, the two of us walking up together. We get our food and head back to the table.

After a nice lunch filled with laughing and a lot of cookies, I throw my trash away and walk out the door, heading down the hallway. Julinka catches up to me and says, "So..." Her voice trails off and then I hear the word special. I make her stop talking and repeat what she just said, but I still don't catch it.

So, instead of agreeing with her or anything like that, I say, "Like, a special man?" And I say it in a very country accent. Julinka stares at me for a moment before bursting out into laughter.

"Speeecial maaan!!" She tries to be country and that's when I burst out laughing.

"Are you trying to be country?"

"CRUNCHY?!" We both start laughing and then she says, "I am not crunchy!!"

"No, Julinka, you are a very crunchy woman and you deserve a special man." I say all of this with my country accent and wait for Julinka's response. But I realize that I'm at my locker and she has to leave.

"Hey, I'll see you later, Crunchy!!"

"Bye, Speeecial!"

-------------

I get into seventh period and Dalton's sitting across from me. I sit down and he brushes past me to get to his seat. "Hey..." Dalton smiles and I smile back. That's when Kairos bursts through the door.

"Helloooo!" He sits down in front of me and turns around, talking about the newest band he found out about. Our teacher steps to the front of the room and begins to teach. Kairos falls asleep when the teacher tells him to put his head on his desk (I don't get it either).

As Kairos is asleep, I listen to the teacher, Mr. Korren. Mr. Korren looks around the room and loses his track of thought. He finds it again and that's when I feel my desk move a little. I know Kairos isn't doing it, so that means Dalton is.

I turn to face Dalton, but he's just sitting there, all happy-like, smiling at me. "What're you doing?" He furrows his eyebrows and shrugs.

"I didn't do anything..." I wink at him and turn back around. Yeah... Right, and I'm Captain America. My desk moves again - multiple times - and I turn around just in time to see Dalton's leg move back down.

"I saw that!" I point to Dalton's shoe, and then, realizing that he told me a while ago that it was rude to point, I hold out my hand and twirl it at him. Apparently, I say my little outburst just a bit too loud because Mr. Korren looks at me directly and opens his mouth to say something.

"Guys!" I turn back around to face Mr. Korren and listen to him speak for the rest of his class - and I mean, really listen. And before I know it, class is over and everyone's out the door.


I gave her a country-speaking lesson. Crunchy. Country. Special. Man. And as for him, well... He's been kind of distant and I'm - I don't know. He was kind of flirting today, I think... But I don't know. I don't know a lot, I guess... Especially when it comes to guys. Unless it's my best friend, he's someone that I do know. He tells me everything - literally.

Do you know?

Do you know how hard it is? Liking someone so close to you, and yet, he isn't able to see how you feel. People keep saying, "Tell him! Tell him! Tell him how you feel!" Well, let me ask you a question.

Why?

I've never had a reason to tell him. He's leaving. I probably won't talk to him after this school year. Yes, at one point... I thought there was maybe something there. But that was a weekend long ago.

And I need to face the truth: THERE ISN'T ANYTHING THERE.

Now, another question, but for me this time. Do I mind? Let me tell you something. The honest truth is... I don't think I do. Yeah, it'd be nice... But my world won't be crushed to pieces. I've waited a while, pondering, thinking, praying about all of this.

"What did I find," you may ask.

My answer: I'm done.

You may believe that to be a weird answer, but the more I thought and thought about it. The more I realized - I don't need someone to make me happy. I have my family and my friends and the most important of all, God.

So, yes, I will tell him. Maybe even tomorrow... I don't know. But what I do know is this: I'm happy to be free of all of this crap. I can't wait to face the day tomorrow, because I have a feeling that things are going to go well.

Am I crazy for feeling this way? I don't think so... No, I really don't. Now, what you say to all this... That's your opinion. You can tell me what you think or just keep it to yourself, because I don't really care.

Don't get me wrong here. I'm not trying to be harsh. I'm just trying to convince myself to an extent I guess... Even though I don't think I need any convincing. I'm perfectly fine with my life as it is now.

For another story... My mom brought up an old friend. She said that somewhere in my heart... Something, a feeling, lies there. She explained what she thought it was, and though I did listen to her, I still don't think it's true.

So, do you know? Know of toils and troubles? Know of everything I've been through?

Before you answer, let me just tell you... I love my life. And this is the happiest I've been in high school, I think. Start talking about me or whatever, I don't care. Words won't bring me down. Not now, not today, not tomorrow.

This post has been kind of like my venting post. I like it. But I'll be shooting out stories soon!

What's-His-Face (Part 2)

Chapter#?? - Linette

As I walk down the hallway next to Kairos, he veers off to the right to go talk to his girlfriend, Sabra Parlan. I shrug and cringe as he hugs her the way he usually does. Why must boys hug girls from behind and rest their arms on- I just think it's stupid is all... But maybe that's because I'm single and alone and all that jazz. My phone beeps as it receives a text message from Mekia Leilani.

Mekia: Hey, Linni... I was wondering if you want to hang out after school?

Me: That's fine.

Mekia: Cool!! I can't wait!! :D

Me: Yep, sounds fun.

I put my phone away as I continue down the hallway, listening to different students have their conversations as I pass by them. I hear my name a few times, but pay no mind to the words that are said about me. "Let them think what they want, Linni... Don't worry about it." I look to the left and see Kairos walking next to me.

I smile at Kairos as we walk to the band room together, talking about the differences between my honors classes and his. "I still think drop-ad for you into college prep was a bad idea... I mean, YOU of all people! I can't believe it! You're so smart!"

"Tell that to my teachers. Ya know, the ones who gave me B's." Kairos rolls his eyes at me and laughs, which in turn makes me laugh. Kairos grabs his instruments from the storage room and heads outside with me. Once we're outside, he reminds me that I have a fundraising event tomorrow with Dalton.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Mekia hug Everett Chaylen, and then she gets in his car. Well, I guess she forgot about hanging out. Oh well, I don’t care. Kairos’s words ring in my ears and I look back at him right when I hear the word ‘fundraiser.’ “What’d you say?”

"You know, I might come to that fundraiser. How long is it? And from what time to what time will you be working?" Kairos puts his things in his mother's car and I do the same with my mother. As both of our motherly figures sit and talk about who knows what, Kairos and I discuss our classes again.

"All right, Linni, time to go!" I say goodbye to Kairos and get in my mom's car. She smiles at me, asking me about my day and what all happened, how my quizzes went and things of that nature.

-------------> The Next Day

My phone buzzes:

Dalton: Are you excited about today?

Me: Yeah! I can't wait!

Dalton: Me either! It's going to be so much fun!

Me: I bet! Are you nervous?

Dalton: A little...

Me: Don't be... You'll do great!

Dalton: I hope so... I have to go plan, see you soon!

Me: Ttfn!

I put my phone away as my mom pulls in the parking lot of the seminary. "Good luck working here for those seven community service hours! Your dad is coming to pick you up around eight or so... Give me the details about everything tonight!"

"I will... Love you, Mom!"

"I love you too!" I walk up the stairs as my mom pulls out of the parking lot, and then I'm inside, working with Dalton and his family to raise money. I don't see much of Dalton, except for when he comes in every once in a while to check on money statistics and to see how his family is doing. Kairos comes and stops by with a few of his friends, but he soon leaves as well.

Dalton walks into the room and grabs a piece of pizza as his mother puts a dollar bill in the money box next to me. He walks over to me and sits down in the seat available to the right of me. "How's everything going on your end?"

I smile at Dalton and nod. "Pretty good... Your brother's been keeping me company. He likes to take care of the money..."

Dalton raises his eyebrows at me and says, "Well, don't let him take any." We both laugh at that. "Thanks for helping me again... And don't forget to come see me play basketball at some point tonight!"

"I will, I promise."

Dalton leaves after finishing his pizza, leaving me by myself (except for the few people still eating and his mother).

A few hours later...

I'm exhausted by time the end of the fundraiser is near. I put the broom away after sweeping the hallway and the staircase, and then I go inside the gym. I see a group of people crowded around someone on the floor, and that's when I realize that I don't see Dalton among them - he's the one injured.

Dalton's holding his ankle, and he looks like he's in a lot of pain. "Hey, Linni! How was the fundraiser?" I look up to see my dad walking towards me, smiling.

"It was good, but Dalton just got hurt..." I watch as Dalton stands up, and with the help of his parents, walks over to a chair, sitting down in it. He stretches and walks around a bit, and that's when I realize that he had a cramp.

Finally, the seven hour fundraiser is over. I walk over to Dalton's mother and pull out my community service form. "You wouldn't mind signing this for me, would you?"

"Of course not! Dalton, could you come over here for a minute? I need your help..." After they finish filling out the form together, Dalton pulls me over to the side and gives me a hug. Since he's taller than me, my head went straight to his chest and his rested on my shoulder. I let go of him, but he didn't let go of me. And we're still hugging? Okay...

Dad speaks up after Dalton goes back up to announce the end of the fundraiser. My dad tells me that it's time to go if we're going to get to my grandparents' house before 10 o'clock. After I get in my dad's car, I find out that while Dalton and I were hugging, Dad turned around about halfway into the hug.

"What?! You really did that? Why?"

"I just... I didn't want to scare him." My mouth drops and Dad begins to laugh.

Fathers... I don't understand them either. It's like they strive for embarrassing you in front of any boy. That way, there's no chance that you will ever have a boyfriend! Or they scare the boys away by their fatherly intimidation..! I don't get it!! Why? You have to grow up sometime, but I guess still being in high school... That isn't really the time to grow up. I mean, before you now it, high school will be over. And then you're off to college, and you're, well... You're gone.