Who knows what this post is..?

I don't even know, but - whatever. Okay, here it goes.

You know that guy that I was talking about before? The one I thought I liked? I don't like him anymore. Yeah, sure... He's sweet and adorable and all the things you'd wish for in a guy, but I just, I don't feel that way anymore.

The guy my mom brought up, I still stand the same on that. I don't like him that way - I thought I did once, but that was a long time ago... And besides, I've known him so long that he's like my brother. Honestly, how many of you would date a sibling? I mean, really..? That's what it would be like if that happened - WHICH IT WON'T!

Now, my friend brought up this other guy... He's had a crush on me for a while - 2 years. And yet, he's 3 years older than me. I'm not gonna say a lot about this one because there's not much to say.

There's this other dude who completely creeps me out, but he, like, loves me. He told me this year that he's had a crush on me for 3 years and I was like, "Well, there goes that friendship..." I waved goodbye to it as it flew out the window.

So, yeah... Those are the adventures that I've had with my guy-friends. Now, if I were to tell you about all of my girl-friends... That would take me forever. So many stories to tell, and yet, I won't.

Because I'm... I'm me.

Haha, well, anyways... How about a poem? I had inspiration for this one from a big tree I saw at the beach.

 The Climb

I look up from the bottom.

I am afraid of this height -

It is so far,

And I am afraid I cannot reach it.

I am so afraid, 

I walk away -

I stop in my tracks,

Turn around.

I plant my foot

On the bark,

And begin to climb.

I climb from the bottom,

And reach a small branch.

I grab onto it,

Swing myself up,

And look down.

This height -

It is scary,

But I will not go down

Back to the bottom.

I look up,

And continue to climb

Until I get a bit higher.

I reach the top,

Looking down.

And I think to myself,

I will not go back down -

To the bottom.

But when I turn around,

I see the tree extending -

And the height gets insane.

I plant my foot,

And take the first step.

Classified

This post is going to be a venting post, so if you don't like it, I suggest you get off now.

So a few of my "friends" have been saying things behind my back... And you know, that's cowardly, don't you agree? Just say it to my face if you have something to say. Freaking say it to my face! But no, just go chat about it to some other person who you could be talking about too and have them tell me!

What are we? In the fourth grade again?! "So and so doesn't like you anymore so we're not friends..." I mean, what the crap?! I have had two hate letters in my life, and I'm not that old! No one should have hate letters. EVER.

And what do I get in return? Gossip! I've already gotten two too many hate letters and way too much gossip in middle school!

So don't judge!

And like I said before, yeah, words don't bring me down and I don't care what you say. But should you really be talking about me? I mean, really? Come on... I know that whoever is doing it is better than that... So come talk to me about it and I won't get mad. I just like having explanations is all.

Talk to me or don't. Your choice. If you come out and say it, cool. If not, cool. But just know that if I was saying things and the person said to just talk it out with them, I would. AND I HAVE DONE THAT BEFORE.

Talking things out helps, that's all I'm saying.

That's all.

What's-His-Face (Part 3)

here's something to cheer you up:

I am walking down the hallway with some friends when Dalton passes by me. He says, "Hey, shiny... Still shining?" I smile at him and just roll my eyes.

"Yeah, that's me. Shining up the world over here." Dalton laughs and keeps walking, trying to get to the lunchroom early. He passes through the door and stands there for a second, holding the door open for me to pass through. Then he leaves to go sit at his table.

I walk to my table and see that some of my friends are there, but because I just finished up the organ part of the dissection in anatomy class, I decide I better go wash my hands again - for the fourth time. After my "magical" trip to the restroom to wash my hands, I go back to the lunchroom and sit down next to Julinka.

Julinka is this adorable girl in my grade, she's so cute - like a little kid (she's going to hurt me for saying that). Anyways, I look at her and say, "Didn't order? I thought there would be FCA today..."

Julinka nods and says, "Yep. I didn't order because - I just didn't." I laugh and motion to the lunch line, the two of us walking up together. We get our food and head back to the table.

After a nice lunch filled with laughing and a lot of cookies, I throw my trash away and walk out the door, heading down the hallway. Julinka catches up to me and says, "So..." Her voice trails off and then I hear the word special. I make her stop talking and repeat what she just said, but I still don't catch it.

So, instead of agreeing with her or anything like that, I say, "Like, a special man?" And I say it in a very country accent. Julinka stares at me for a moment before bursting out into laughter.

"Speeecial maaan!!" She tries to be country and that's when I burst out laughing.

"Are you trying to be country?"

"CRUNCHY?!" We both start laughing and then she says, "I am not crunchy!!"

"No, Julinka, you are a very crunchy woman and you deserve a special man." I say all of this with my country accent and wait for Julinka's response. But I realize that I'm at my locker and she has to leave.

"Hey, I'll see you later, Crunchy!!"

"Bye, Speeecial!"

-------------

I get into seventh period and Dalton's sitting across from me. I sit down and he brushes past me to get to his seat. "Hey..." Dalton smiles and I smile back. That's when Kairos bursts through the door.

"Helloooo!" He sits down in front of me and turns around, talking about the newest band he found out about. Our teacher steps to the front of the room and begins to teach. Kairos falls asleep when the teacher tells him to put his head on his desk (I don't get it either).

As Kairos is asleep, I listen to the teacher, Mr. Korren. Mr. Korren looks around the room and loses his track of thought. He finds it again and that's when I feel my desk move a little. I know Kairos isn't doing it, so that means Dalton is.

I turn to face Dalton, but he's just sitting there, all happy-like, smiling at me. "What're you doing?" He furrows his eyebrows and shrugs.

"I didn't do anything..." I wink at him and turn back around. Yeah... Right, and I'm Captain America. My desk moves again - multiple times - and I turn around just in time to see Dalton's leg move back down.

"I saw that!" I point to Dalton's shoe, and then, realizing that he told me a while ago that it was rude to point, I hold out my hand and twirl it at him. Apparently, I say my little outburst just a bit too loud because Mr. Korren looks at me directly and opens his mouth to say something.

"Guys!" I turn back around to face Mr. Korren and listen to him speak for the rest of his class - and I mean, really listen. And before I know it, class is over and everyone's out the door.


I gave her a country-speaking lesson. Crunchy. Country. Special. Man. And as for him, well... He's been kind of distant and I'm - I don't know. He was kind of flirting today, I think... But I don't know. I don't know a lot, I guess... Especially when it comes to guys. Unless it's my best friend, he's someone that I do know. He tells me everything - literally.

Do you know?

Do you know how hard it is? Liking someone so close to you, and yet, he isn't able to see how you feel. People keep saying, "Tell him! Tell him! Tell him how you feel!" Well, let me ask you a question.

Why?

I've never had a reason to tell him. He's leaving. I probably won't talk to him after this school year. Yes, at one point... I thought there was maybe something there. But that was a weekend long ago.

And I need to face the truth: THERE ISN'T ANYTHING THERE.

Now, another question, but for me this time. Do I mind? Let me tell you something. The honest truth is... I don't think I do. Yeah, it'd be nice... But my world won't be crushed to pieces. I've waited a while, pondering, thinking, praying about all of this.

"What did I find," you may ask.

My answer: I'm done.

You may believe that to be a weird answer, but the more I thought and thought about it. The more I realized - I don't need someone to make me happy. I have my family and my friends and the most important of all, God.

So, yes, I will tell him. Maybe even tomorrow... I don't know. But what I do know is this: I'm happy to be free of all of this crap. I can't wait to face the day tomorrow, because I have a feeling that things are going to go well.

Am I crazy for feeling this way? I don't think so... No, I really don't. Now, what you say to all this... That's your opinion. You can tell me what you think or just keep it to yourself, because I don't really care.

Don't get me wrong here. I'm not trying to be harsh. I'm just trying to convince myself to an extent I guess... Even though I don't think I need any convincing. I'm perfectly fine with my life as it is now.

For another story... My mom brought up an old friend. She said that somewhere in my heart... Something, a feeling, lies there. She explained what she thought it was, and though I did listen to her, I still don't think it's true.

So, do you know? Know of toils and troubles? Know of everything I've been through?

Before you answer, let me just tell you... I love my life. And this is the happiest I've been in high school, I think. Start talking about me or whatever, I don't care. Words won't bring me down. Not now, not today, not tomorrow.

This post has been kind of like my venting post. I like it. But I'll be shooting out stories soon!

What's-His-Face (Part 2)

Chapter#?? - Linette

As I walk down the hallway next to Kairos, he veers off to the right to go talk to his girlfriend, Sabra Parlan. I shrug and cringe as he hugs her the way he usually does. Why must boys hug girls from behind and rest their arms on- I just think it's stupid is all... But maybe that's because I'm single and alone and all that jazz. My phone beeps as it receives a text message from Mekia Leilani.

Mekia: Hey, Linni... I was wondering if you want to hang out after school?

Me: That's fine.

Mekia: Cool!! I can't wait!! :D

Me: Yep, sounds fun.

I put my phone away as I continue down the hallway, listening to different students have their conversations as I pass by them. I hear my name a few times, but pay no mind to the words that are said about me. "Let them think what they want, Linni... Don't worry about it." I look to the left and see Kairos walking next to me.

I smile at Kairos as we walk to the band room together, talking about the differences between my honors classes and his. "I still think drop-ad for you into college prep was a bad idea... I mean, YOU of all people! I can't believe it! You're so smart!"

"Tell that to my teachers. Ya know, the ones who gave me B's." Kairos rolls his eyes at me and laughs, which in turn makes me laugh. Kairos grabs his instruments from the storage room and heads outside with me. Once we're outside, he reminds me that I have a fundraising event tomorrow with Dalton.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Mekia hug Everett Chaylen, and then she gets in his car. Well, I guess she forgot about hanging out. Oh well, I don’t care. Kairos’s words ring in my ears and I look back at him right when I hear the word ‘fundraiser.’ “What’d you say?”

"You know, I might come to that fundraiser. How long is it? And from what time to what time will you be working?" Kairos puts his things in his mother's car and I do the same with my mother. As both of our motherly figures sit and talk about who knows what, Kairos and I discuss our classes again.

"All right, Linni, time to go!" I say goodbye to Kairos and get in my mom's car. She smiles at me, asking me about my day and what all happened, how my quizzes went and things of that nature.

-------------> The Next Day

My phone buzzes:

Dalton: Are you excited about today?

Me: Yeah! I can't wait!

Dalton: Me either! It's going to be so much fun!

Me: I bet! Are you nervous?

Dalton: A little...

Me: Don't be... You'll do great!

Dalton: I hope so... I have to go plan, see you soon!

Me: Ttfn!

I put my phone away as my mom pulls in the parking lot of the seminary. "Good luck working here for those seven community service hours! Your dad is coming to pick you up around eight or so... Give me the details about everything tonight!"

"I will... Love you, Mom!"

"I love you too!" I walk up the stairs as my mom pulls out of the parking lot, and then I'm inside, working with Dalton and his family to raise money. I don't see much of Dalton, except for when he comes in every once in a while to check on money statistics and to see how his family is doing. Kairos comes and stops by with a few of his friends, but he soon leaves as well.

Dalton walks into the room and grabs a piece of pizza as his mother puts a dollar bill in the money box next to me. He walks over to me and sits down in the seat available to the right of me. "How's everything going on your end?"

I smile at Dalton and nod. "Pretty good... Your brother's been keeping me company. He likes to take care of the money..."

Dalton raises his eyebrows at me and says, "Well, don't let him take any." We both laugh at that. "Thanks for helping me again... And don't forget to come see me play basketball at some point tonight!"

"I will, I promise."

Dalton leaves after finishing his pizza, leaving me by myself (except for the few people still eating and his mother).

A few hours later...

I'm exhausted by time the end of the fundraiser is near. I put the broom away after sweeping the hallway and the staircase, and then I go inside the gym. I see a group of people crowded around someone on the floor, and that's when I realize that I don't see Dalton among them - he's the one injured.

Dalton's holding his ankle, and he looks like he's in a lot of pain. "Hey, Linni! How was the fundraiser?" I look up to see my dad walking towards me, smiling.

"It was good, but Dalton just got hurt..." I watch as Dalton stands up, and with the help of his parents, walks over to a chair, sitting down in it. He stretches and walks around a bit, and that's when I realize that he had a cramp.

Finally, the seven hour fundraiser is over. I walk over to Dalton's mother and pull out my community service form. "You wouldn't mind signing this for me, would you?"

"Of course not! Dalton, could you come over here for a minute? I need your help..." After they finish filling out the form together, Dalton pulls me over to the side and gives me a hug. Since he's taller than me, my head went straight to his chest and his rested on my shoulder. I let go of him, but he didn't let go of me. And we're still hugging? Okay...

Dad speaks up after Dalton goes back up to announce the end of the fundraiser. My dad tells me that it's time to go if we're going to get to my grandparents' house before 10 o'clock. After I get in my dad's car, I find out that while Dalton and I were hugging, Dad turned around about halfway into the hug.

"What?! You really did that? Why?"

"I just... I didn't want to scare him." My mouth drops and Dad begins to laugh.

Fathers... I don't understand them either. It's like they strive for embarrassing you in front of any boy. That way, there's no chance that you will ever have a boyfriend! Or they scare the boys away by their fatherly intimidation..! I don't get it!! Why? You have to grow up sometime, but I guess still being in high school... That isn't really the time to grow up. I mean, before you now it, high school will be over. And then you're off to college, and you're, well... You're gone.