AP=PH.NL

All right, dudes, here's the chiz. I've got this friend, ya know what I'm saying? And, well, she thinks that there isn't anyone out there who understands. Well, let's see if there is.

Fights. Arguing. Cursing. Depression. Crying. Pain. Sadness. Missing. Lonely.

All of those things are things that she said she is or said she is feeling. Not only that, but she's just really down all the time and never comes to school. And I need her, dudes! She's my bestie and when she breaks down, that's something to be worried about because she is a very strong person.

Ya know... I get it. I don't understand. At least, not what she's going through. But I do understand all of those feelings up at the top right there. All of them. I have felt them, am feeling them, or will feel them. We all do. Some of us just have it a bit harder than others.

Do you know what I say to that? I say that there is a reason. God has some reason for your hardships, your trials, your sadness and depression. It's all part of life, my dear. There's nothing we can do about it. Life has the easy way out and the hard way out. The hard way is pushing through and figuring out where to go from there. And the easy way... I'd say it's not easy.

So this friend of mine... I know she reads my blog and I just want to say that you're really putting yourself down right now. Try to think of the happy things in life, even if you don't think there are any. That's what I've been taught to do. There are plenty of people out there who have a worse life than me.

Yeah, my parents are divorced and there's a reason for that and I think that it's my fault sometimes... I get sad about those things and that I'm making my parents worried with my grades and it's all just... I'm a burden sometimes. I get it. I have burdens a lot. My life... I've gone through a lot more than most people should or ever will have to go through, but I don't want to look back.

I know it's hard right now, my dear, but just remember that through great struggle comes great grace. I know it doesn't seem like there is going to be a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow, but I promise you, there is. For all of you guys out there who believe the same thing I do, I'm glad!

Because life... Life is hard, so don't take the easy way out. There are ups and downs and rights and lefts and you're basically on a roller coaster of time, but soon, that time will be gone and you'll be left wondering what you did and how you did it.

I'm not saying you need to forget your entire life or no longer think about the past and I AM DEFINITELY NOT SAYING YOLO!! But what I am saying is this: Life has many obstacles, and one of them is yourself.

Being self-degrading and hurting yourself and being depressed, staying locked away and hiding your emotions isn't good for you. You guys, I want you to promise me that you'll ask for help from a friend or a family member, anyone that can help.

Because I didn't. And I wish I had.

"Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get." - Forrest Gump

RANDOMMMMM

All right, so here's the deal. I'm doing homework, and I just kind of felt like writing. Do you know how long it's been since I've felt like writing? Awhile...

Don't ask me why because I have no earthly idea why I just suddenly wanted to write. Maybe it's because NaNoWriMo is coming up soon, or maybe it's because I felt a little lonely... I'm not sure. All I know is that I need to get this homework done soon so I can go to sleep.

There's a lot of stress right now, and yeah, I love school and friends and all, but then again, grades are just awful. Not that my grades are awful, just getting graded for things is awful, ya know?

Anyways, I felt like writing, so here we go.


Reflection

As I look into the mirror, I see something I have never seen before. Something foreign to me. These eyes are not mine, and yet, when I move or blink, this person does the same.

But her eyes are not mine. These eyes are blue. Those are red.

This foreigner, though she is not me, she is.

How can I understand and get used to a life that is so new to me? The sights and the smells are different than usual. Everything is so overwhelming and I can't concentrate. I never even wanted to be this way. It's not my fault - it's his.

I slowly reach my hand up and touch the eyes looking back at me, the cold glass sliding underneath my fingertips. My hand falls to my side and in one swift movement, the mirror, shattered, is all over the floor. I turn around and out of the corner of my eye, see a pair of red eyes staring back at me.


**Check in every now and again to find out more about this girl as the story progresses.

Lyricist and Wolves

All right, guys, so here it goes. I am supposed to be doing homework and working on all of these things for school, and yet, I am sitting on my butt writing this blog. Do you know how frustrated I am that I can't even come up with a simple history essay?

I have written so many English essays and even an entire novel, and yet, I don't know what to write for history. My teacher even gave us three main points to expand upon and I am just sitting here like, "This printer paper is really soft... Why does it feel so fluffy?"

Anyways, I wanted to inform you guys of this new happening. I am now a lyricist for this upcoming band! My friend started his own screamo band and stuff and asked me to write him a poem, which I did. He liked it and has asked me to write him more. I'm actually pretty excited about this, except for the writing part.

Yeah, I'm good at poetry and I LOVE MUSIC, but this whole writing thing isn't really working out for me. I don't want to write anymore. My passion for it is gone. I don't want to stand up and speak in front of people or have to write things down on a white board. I don't want to be an English teacher anymore.

You see, I like numbers. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my math class - almost as much as I love music. Crunching numbers calms me down, and so does music. I listen to music as I crunch numbers. It's what I do. Or rather, it's what I want to do.

I'm trying to come up with some lyrics right now that have to do with dreaming and happiness. I'm not quite sure what stance I am going to take or exactly how I am going to develop the dreaming part, but I'll figure it out and let you guys know how it goes! I promise that next time I won't take as long to write another blog post.

Btw, the posts from earlier that talk about those crushes I had... Yeah, they're all pretty much invalid now. I mean, there's still this one guy that I have a crush on, but I won't say who. I'll leave that up to your imagination to see who I picked. And also, I don't really want to like anyone, ya know?

Anyways, how about a story?

I'll take that as a yes ;)

------------

Anther takes my hand in his and looks into my eyes. "I've liked you for a really long time, Threllion... Won't you go out with me?" I look away from Anther as my cheeks turn a bright red. I quietly scuff the bottom of my sneaker on the floor, trying not to seem extremely eager.

"You could have just said no, Threl..." I look up at Anther and see that he is already turned around, walking away from me. I notice that the back of his neck is streaked with random black lines, and I immediately run after him.

"Anther-" I rest my hand on his shoulder, but he jerks away from me. "Please, Anther..." He looks at me and I take a step back in surprise, not expecting his dark brown eyes to be pale blue. I rest my hand on his arm once again and his gaze follows my hand.

"What're you-"

"Can't you tell how I feel?" Anther looks down at me for a moment, puzzled by my words, before he takes a deep breath. He runs his fingers through his hair and I see that he has completely calmed down. Both his skin and eyes are now back to normal.

Suddenly, a pair of strong arms wraps around me, encircling me in warmth.

Almost instantly, though, the warmth disappears. It is replaced by the numbing chill of the ice cave. Now I remember... I open my eyes and see Anther pacing back and forth from one end of the cave to the other. "Anther?"

"I'm so glad you're awake! I think I came up with a plan to get us out of here and everything! Okay, so first we will wait out the blizzard and then-"

"Anther... We're stranded in here. I can't-"

"Don't you dare give up on me, Threl."

"But my leg-" I look down at my contorted leg and a wave of nausea washes over me as I see a bone protruding from my purplish-yellow skin. I cover my mouth with my hand and squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to see anymore.

"We'll be fine. As soon as the blizzard clears, we will be able to change and you'll be healed." I shake my head and take a few deep breaths, trying to suppress the stinging feeling in my eyes. It is to no avail. Hot tears run down my cheeks as I accept my fate.

Anther walks over to where I am sitting and slides down the wall until he hits the floor. He drapes his arm over my shoulders and pulls me close. "Why are you so upset about this all of the sudden? Was it your dream? It was just a dream, Threl..."

"Anther, I'm not going to make it through another day. I've already lost too much blood. And even if I do make it through the night, which is highly unlikely, I won't be able to move around and run with you. I won't even have enough energy to change."

"But-"

"Anther, if this is our last night together, would you rather us spend it arguing over my life or reminiscing about all of the good times we've had together?" I lay my head on Anther's shoulder and listen to him go on and on about his favorite parts of our friendship. I close my eyes and fall asleep to the sound of Anther's voice, ready to leave this earthly world.

We were best friends. We loved each other deeply, but our love was not enough to keep us together. Anther was right about the blizzard stopping quickly and was also right about me making it through the night. But the unexpected happened the day after that horrible blizzard.

Anther died.

Lifetime w/ a Story

Oh my gosh guys! I just finished these two really awesome stories! And one of them made my ahjdhflhsadkja and then the other did the same. I literally finished both of them last night and I couldn't even! I was so happy and sad at the same time! I couldn't deal with it! I just couldn't! They were both so cute and they're up there with my all time favorites!!


Story

Kel's Diary:

So anyways, I just thought that today and everyday would be a great day to tell you that I care about you. There have been a few instances where I've run into some people that didn't really want to keep on living. Even though I had no clue who they were, I felt that they just needed someone. I talked to them and helped them out, and everything was going well.

Don't worry, there are no "buts" in this story. See, all I wanted to say was that I love everyone and even if you don't like me, or if you even hate me, I will always leave a spot for you in my heart. These people that didn't want to live, I helped them realize the need for living. That they had a purpose in this world.

"Kel! It's time for school! Come on!!" I close my laptop and slide it into my messenger bag, running down the stairs and out the front door as my mother hands me a piece of toast for the road. I hop into Gavin's car and begin munching on my breakfast.

"Kel, how long were you going to make me wait?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Gavin rustles my hair and I punch him in the shoulder.

"Ouch! Come on, I'm driving!" Gavin looks at me out of the corner of his eye and sighs. "You shouldn't do that. You're a girl."

"One, that was sexist. And two, if you don't want me to punch you, don't aggravate me!"

"Sorry, Miss Touchy-Feeley..." I punch Gavin once more and he winces, rubbing his shoulder.

"I don't know, neither do I want to know what exactly you're trying to imply." By the time I'm done with my breakfast and Gavin has pulled into the parking lot, classes have already started. "Gavin, we're late again!"

"It's not my fault that your fingers are glued to that electronic device of yours! It's been ages since anyone has ever used those things! Why do you insist on using it even though they're old and outdated?" I shrug and place my hand gently on my bag.

"Maybe it's because I feel that every time I type something with my fingers, I feel that I am reaching out to someone far away. Maybe I've helped a lot of people and I just don't know it yet. Somehow, though, I can feel that the things I have written have really brightened up someone's day. Someone... Somewhere..."

"Somewhere in that loopy head of yours. No one uses laptops anymore, Kel. Get over it and just go outside for the sunlight every once in a while... Like the rest of us. What happened to the Kel who used to play with me everyday after following me home from school? I miss that Kel..."

I didn't realize up until now that Gavin and I had stopped walking. He's closer to me now than he normally is. Since he's a lot taller than me, my face only comes up to his chest, but somehow, this closeness feels...different. "Gavin..?" I slowly look up to find him staring intently down at me.

His hand brushes against my cheek and I immediately take a step away from him. "Gavin, Kel, what're you doing?" Arel walks up to the two of us and wraps his arms around both of us. "Are the two of you skipping school this early in the morning?"

Gavin and I both shake our heads and Arel looks at the two of us questioningly. "Then, what're you-"

"Nothing, big brother. It's nothing to get concerned about." Gavin begins walking to his locker before I can even finish my sentence. Arel stands in front of me and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Kel..."

I quickly walk past Arel, but he grabs my arm. My eyes follow Gavin as he gets farther and farther away from me. "Please, Arel, I'll tell you later when we're at home." Arel narrows his eyes at me, but I feel his grip loosen, so I wiggle out of his grasp before he changes his mind.

By the time I get to the lockers, Gavin is already gone. "The only good think about lockers is that ours are next to each other, so we can talk in between classes and all... Even though we're in different grades, we still have our lockers next to each other. That's good, I guess."

"Of course it is. Now, hurry up, slowpoke. We have to get to class before the teacher thinks we're completely skipping out. Want me to walk you to your classroom?"

"Sure!" I smile at Gavin as he picks up my books, the two of us walking down the hallway together.

I'm glad I have a friend like him. He may be the only one, but he's the best...

Post--#--2

I wrote this first post for you guys... It was a life story kind of post. I decided not to post it because posting certain posts isn't good for anyone. I don't plan on posting it, but if I see anything like I saw earlier from someone again, I'll debate about writing something up. I wrote this second post instead of that earlier one...

My choice is simple.

The questions is, is yours?

Think about choices and what's going on in your life. That's all I have to say. No, I don't know some of you all that well, but I know enough. I know that sometimes you hurt and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're not.

It hurts.

Life.

Simple.

Sometimes I keep things bottled up inside, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I like to sit and listen to music for hours, sometimes I do my homework right when I get home, and all of the time, I pray for the world.

I pray for life. To not hurt. To shine. Life is wonderful and not so. It's so complex and beautiful that it's hard to understand. So how can something that words cannot describe, not matter how much you try, be so simple? We may put adjectives to it, but it's different for everyone. No one's life is the same. It's completely different. Every time. So...

Simple, really?

I disagree.


Here's a poem for you:

Veiled

I cover myself in shadows

So that I no longer have to feel

Pain

Remorse

Sorrow

I veil myself 

So that no one can see

My true identity

I don't want to be veiled

Covered

Lost

How can I take this veil away

No, it is impossible

I cannot take this away

No matter how hard I try

This veil

It covers

And destroys

I cannot hope

Because of this veil

I cannot trust

Because of this veil

I cannot love

Because of this veil

This veil haunts me

It scares me

And makes me petrified

Of what my future may be

What is my future

This veil covers it

And I cannot see

The fog is too thick

And I cannot see

This feeling hurts

Blindness

How do I disperse it

How do I see

I no longer remember

Any sense of direction

Or any way to see

Any way to breathe

I am being suffocated by this veil

This veil

It hurts

And destroys

Why me

Why am I to be punished

By a veil that I cannot

Hurt

Destroy

Why is it me

Why am I to be punished

It does not make sense

Will it ever

I do not know these answers

But maybe someone else does

A best friend

A family member

A lover

Yes, one of them knows

But who

Who could possibly know

The real me

And my veil

What if someone far away knows

Or what if they're close to me

What if they're already in my heart

What do I do

If they've already torn down my veil

No 

I haven't trusted someone

Not like that

But what if they figured it out

All from just looking at me

What then

What would I say to them

I would tell them everything

All about me

Even if it means

Means hurting

Means disbelieving

Means renouncing what I have veiled

This life

My veil

What if

What if it disappears

When I meet them

Maybe it will disappear

I must try

And uncover this dark veil

The dark veil that covers me

And contains me

It will be broken for the first time

But for the last

Only for one person

Now

I have veiled myself

In something pure

A happy veil

With someone who sees through

The veil of shadows

I am happy now

And with the one

Who sees the true me

xXxXx It's Not So xXxXx

**STORY AT BOTTOM OF POST

Overview:

I don't know how many of you guys watch PLL, but that season finale was so intense! I don't even know where to start haha :) But right now my head is so confused with the ending and everything just seems so jumbled. I can't believe it!

So... I'm a little scared for this year, guys. So many things going on and I don't know how to work them out. My once best friends are wheedling their way back into my life and then my other best friends are dropping me off a cliff and then these people that I didn't even think of as possible friends are now my friends and I just- it's been a really long week, and it's only Tuesday.


A few questions:

Why is life so hard?
--> It's life - that's how it's supposed to be. If it wasn't hard, life would just be called, "super happy fun time."
Why does my best friend insist on hiding things from me?
--> I don't know about you guys, but my best friend has been acting weird lately. I mean, last year this person was telling me to stay away from this guy because my friend was afraid that this dude would "hurt" me. Then, when I asked my friend why they felt that way, they said they couldn't tell me until I was older.
What does that even mean?!
--> I don't know... This person really confuses me, but I stay friends with them because I can't help it. They make me smile :)
Why are there all of these questions?
--> I just wanted to fill up some space in this blog...


STORY:

I feel as though I am being watched, but when I turn around, no one is there. I look up at the streetlight and pray to myself that he'll be here soon. I look at my watch and sigh. It's quarter to twelve, what could he be doing?

Suddenly, there is a loud screeching sound and everything around me darkens. I am aware of a slight feeling of weightlessness, but as quick as it came, it was gone. I feel my body hit the ground, but I'm not really there. I can see everything from a distance, as though I am looking at everything from above the earth.

I'm dead...

I look inside of the car and see him unconscious in the front seat, with blood running down the side of his head. I don't want to die yet... Not without him. His eye twitches and then he opens his eyes completely. "Ouch... Baby, what happened?"

He shakes his head back and forth and gets out of his car, walking around to the front. "What happened?!" He picks me up in his arms and I feel a slight tingling sensation in my back. He kisses my forehead and I see tears run down his face as he looks back to his car. "I was just trying to text you to tell you I'd be a little late. I didn't- I'd never mean to-" His voice breaks as a sob rises in his throat.

I can feel a stinging at the base of my neck and there's a lot of pressure on my body. Jolts of pain make my body convulse and everything goes black. I feel an enormous amount of pain as it courses through my body and when I slowly open my eyes, all I see is white.

Maybe I'm not dead...

Then, I see his face. Flashing red lights make my head ache and I close my eyes again. Everything fades away and I am left to my imagination as to what happened for the rest of that night.

I spent the next three months of my life in a hospital, having surgery after surgery, and he stood by me the whole time. He was able to do this because the charges of texting and driving were dropped when the police learned that his friend was behind the wheel, not him.

He was in a motorcycle accident a few years later, and the same thing happened to him. I've always wondered why, exactly, our lives were spared. I still haven't found the answer. but I know that someday, I will find my purpose in this world. We all will.

Sins in the Snow

I have so much to do before tomorrow and I don't know what to start on or even how to start. Sometimes I wish I could just sit and chill and not have anything to worry about - oh, wait. I did. It's called Summer Break. Stupid me...

Anyways, thought I'd share a story with you guys and see how you like it.


I run my hands over the smooth, brown bark. It feels as though I was just here not too long ago... It's been an eternity since I came here, and yet, it still looks the same.

My two-year old runs around in the snow, making light giggling noises as he catches snowflakes with his tongue. I smile at him and all of a sudden, a pair of arms wraps around me. "Don't sneak up on me like that!" I turn around to face my husband and push him away playfully, but as I look into his eyes, I know I can't lie to him.

"What's wrong? You haven't spoken a word since we got here... What's so bad about this place? We did, after all, go to high school here..." I take a deep breath and shake my head.

"It's nothing, really." He takes a step towards me and cups my face in his hands, brushing his thumbs back and forth across my face. He searches my eyes for a moment, trying to understand why I am so upset, and right as he leans down, there is a loud cry coming from where our son is.

We both turn to see our red-faced son sitting on his bottom, crying his eyes out. My husband runs over to our son and I lean against the old tree. You know why I'm upset... He has to live a life without any idea of who he is.

And he'll never fit in. He'll never be normal. It's all my fault, too... If only I could have been more careful. We could have come out of this without any problems, but no... We had to have our son chosen for the Pods. How could they just take him away like that?!

"No, I won't let them!" My husband turns to face me, with our son in his arms, and when he sees my face, he just shakes his head.

"I won't either... That's why we came here. To start over..." I take another deep breaths, trying to calm the beast raging inside of me. My husband hands our sleeping son to me and I take him in my arms, brushing a strand of brown hair behind his ear. I press a kiss to his small forehead and a small tear escapes my eyes, rolling down my cheek.

"We are coming back here for him, Jade. Do you understand?" I look up at my husband and see that his eyes are glowing a fiery red.

"Lucian..." He closes his eyes and shakes his head before looking back at me. He looks away from me once more and I notice a tear drop fall to the ground. "It's-"

"Don't! Don't defend me!" A deep growl rises in Lucian's throat and before I know what's happening, Lucian's on the ground with his head resting on our two-year old's stomach.

"Daddy?" Layton looks up at his father, and as I kneel down in the snow, I wrap my arms around the two of them.

"Sh, Layton, it's okay..." I hear a car door slam shut and then Layton is gone. I whisper optimistic thoughts to my husband, but mostly they are for myself. "He'll come back. I know he will..."

Layton was brought back three months later. Considering that he was just a child, he had no idea what had just happened to him. None of us did, really... All we know is that when you are two years old, you are taken to a hospital and a lot of tests are taken to make sure that you are ready for the Pods.

When Layton turns twelve, he'll be made to enter a maze that is meant to take out the weak members of society. It is of such great magnitude that it takes two months to complete. Everyone is chosen to enter, but only six percent of people come out of the maze. Lucian and I were two of the lucky ones.

After the first maze, you are put back in one until you turn seventeen. The next five increase in difficulty, but the time is cut short. The second is seven weeks. The third is five weeks. The fourth is three weeks. The fifth is three weeks. The sixth is two weeks. The seventh is only one week.

You go to school one day and then the next, half of your class is gone. By the end of the week, only four classmates return. It's scary, never knowing when you might have to enter the Pods...

That's why Lucian and I are running. We don't want Layton to have to go through what we went through. We will do anything for him - that is why we have decided to go into hiding. No one will know who or where we are. They won't even know we're gone.

We've moved every month since then. Lucian teaches Layton in schooling and other methods that we use. If we are ever found, we'll be ready. We have a secret that no one has ever figured out before...

Until that day happened...