All right, guys... It seems that my entire blog is just about ranting. Maybe I will become a psychiatrist and then I can help everyone out with their problems on my blog and I can turn it into an advice column.
Haha I was kidding. Anyways...
I've got another friend. Oh yes, I do have those. A select few ;) Nah, I really do have friends. But wait... That sounds conceded to me. Ah whatever you guys know what I mean. Back to the point.
So this friend I have... She's having some issues with feeling lonely and also feeling misinterpreted, as a word for it. Well, I just want to clear up for me that this friend I've got is wonderful and awesome and everything you could ask for in a friend.
I want to speak for me and me alone. I don't try to mock her with a "friendly" tone. I say these things wholeheartedly and truthfully. I see in her my former self, my cousin, and most of all, my friend. She does things that are adorable or cute, and that's why I say that.
I mean, come on. When she gets nervous or is just simply standing around, she waves her arms up and down and kind of looks like a baby bird or a squid or something and it really is cute. I believe she should be excited that we think of her this way. We don't - I don't mean it in a mocking tone. I mean what I say.
I feel pretty close to her now because we are in marching band together and stuff, but she brought to my attention the issue that guard and band are separated.
Yeah, I already know the divisions of guard and band. For crying out loud, I've been doing this since - well, this is my sixth year. So, I'm a pretty old veteran when it comes to band. There is definitely a division there.
And it's not that we want there to be one, it's just that the guard and the band are different from each other, ya know? Well, we all love each other the same, we just do different things. The band people that do not socialize amongst each other with the guard are idiots, honestly.
I have friends (shocker) in both the band and the guard and in different grades both lower and higher. I've never had a more close-knit family of classmates than I do in marching band. I love it. I love all of them.
There are some that do not like the guard, likewise for the band. I don't know what their reasons are, but that's how it is. :/
Another point was brought up. We gossip like middle schoolers. Yeah, dude, that's true. I'm not going to deny it. I take part in it, but the only reason why is because this girl we're talking about degrades me and makes me feel like I am nothing.
Yeah, I talk. I try not to - Boy, do I try not to. Usually, I don't. But when it comes to this girl's boyfriend who happens to be my best friend, I'm gonna tell him straight up what I think. I don't try to encourage or discourage him in his decisions, but I do support whatever choices he makes, even if he is stupid sometimes...
That gossip is normal. And I have heard plenty in the guard too... But that's besides the point. Actually, that really has no relevance so scratch that out.
Back to the band. We can be clique-y, but can you blame us? A bunch of awkward, antisocial nerds coming together to put on uniforms and march around a field in the hot sun until we pass out from dehydration or heatstroke... We are probably going to find someone and stick to them like glue.
That's what I did my first year because that best friend I just talked about who's a guy and is pretty stupid sometimes, he just up and left me to fend for myself. He bullied me. I just stayed with him the whole time, but the guy I made a special connection with (let's not be weird here, we were and are just friends) was a sophomore.
He played the mellophone. Also known as the portable french horn. This guy was my new best friend and I really did stick to him like glue. He didn't care that some new girl who was just starting out in middle school wanted to hang with him. He welcomed me into this band family and the relationship that I had with him is what I strive to have in the new and members today.
Some kids are liked more than others, and that's a problem. I agree.
We need everyone to be united in Christ.
Straying away from all of that... My dog died today. I watched him take his last breath. It was very sad and I haven't really stopped crying. Man, I really open up to people on this blog. I don't usually show emotions. Anyways, yeah... I don't think I'll get much sleep tonight and I have an English thing due tomorrow so I need to finish that up.
I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving and and even better rest of the year! (Sorry for the abrupt conclusion!) I'll write again soon!
-Ashton
Monday, December 2, 2013
Thursday, November 21, 2013
AP=PH.NL
All right, dudes, here's the chiz. I've got this friend, ya know what I'm saying? And, well, she thinks that there isn't anyone out there who understands. Well, let's see if there is.
Fights. Arguing. Cursing. Depression. Crying. Pain. Sadness. Missing. Lonely.
All of those things are things that she said she is or said she is feeling. Not only that, but she's just really down all the time and never comes to school. And I need her, dudes! She's my bestie and when she breaks down, that's something to be worried about because she is a very strong person.
Ya know... I get it. I don't understand. At least, not what she's going through. But I do understand all of those feelings up at the top right there. All of them. I have felt them, am feeling them, or will feel them. We all do. Some of us just have it a bit harder than others.
Do you know what I say to that? I say that there is a reason. God has some reason for your hardships, your trials, your sadness and depression. It's all part of life, my dear. There's nothing we can do about it. Life has the easy way out and the hard way out. The hard way is pushing through and figuring out where to go from there. And the easy way... I'd say it's not easy.
So this friend of mine... I know she reads my blog and I just want to say that you're really putting yourself down right now. Try to think of the happy things in life, even if you don't think there are any. That's what I've been taught to do. There are plenty of people out there who have a worse life than me.
Yeah, my parents are divorced and there's a reason for that and I think that it's my fault sometimes... I get sad about those things and that I'm making my parents worried with my grades and it's all just... I'm a burden sometimes. I get it. I have burdens a lot. My life... I've gone through a lot more than most people should or ever will have to go through, but I don't want to look back.
I know it's hard right now, my dear, but just remember that through great struggle comes great grace. I know it doesn't seem like there is going to be a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow, but I promise you, there is. For all of you guys out there who believe the same thing I do, I'm glad!
Because life... Life is hard, so don't take the easy way out. There are ups and downs and rights and lefts and you're basically on a roller coaster of time, but soon, that time will be gone and you'll be left wondering what you did and how you did it.
I'm not saying you need to forget your entire life or no longer think about the past and I AM DEFINITELY NOT SAYING YOLO!! But what I am saying is this: Life has many obstacles, and one of them is yourself.
Being self-degrading and hurting yourself and being depressed, staying locked away and hiding your emotions isn't good for you. You guys, I want you to promise me that you'll ask for help from a friend or a family member, anyone that can help.
Because I didn't. And I wish I had.
"Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get." - Forrest Gump
Fights. Arguing. Cursing. Depression. Crying. Pain. Sadness. Missing. Lonely.
All of those things are things that she said she is or said she is feeling. Not only that, but she's just really down all the time and never comes to school. And I need her, dudes! She's my bestie and when she breaks down, that's something to be worried about because she is a very strong person.
Ya know... I get it. I don't understand. At least, not what she's going through. But I do understand all of those feelings up at the top right there. All of them. I have felt them, am feeling them, or will feel them. We all do. Some of us just have it a bit harder than others.
Do you know what I say to that? I say that there is a reason. God has some reason for your hardships, your trials, your sadness and depression. It's all part of life, my dear. There's nothing we can do about it. Life has the easy way out and the hard way out. The hard way is pushing through and figuring out where to go from there. And the easy way... I'd say it's not easy.
So this friend of mine... I know she reads my blog and I just want to say that you're really putting yourself down right now. Try to think of the happy things in life, even if you don't think there are any. That's what I've been taught to do. There are plenty of people out there who have a worse life than me.
Yeah, my parents are divorced and there's a reason for that and I think that it's my fault sometimes... I get sad about those things and that I'm making my parents worried with my grades and it's all just... I'm a burden sometimes. I get it. I have burdens a lot. My life... I've gone through a lot more than most people should or ever will have to go through, but I don't want to look back.
I know it's hard right now, my dear, but just remember that through great struggle comes great grace. I know it doesn't seem like there is going to be a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow, but I promise you, there is. For all of you guys out there who believe the same thing I do, I'm glad!
Because life... Life is hard, so don't take the easy way out. There are ups and downs and rights and lefts and you're basically on a roller coaster of time, but soon, that time will be gone and you'll be left wondering what you did and how you did it.
I'm not saying you need to forget your entire life or no longer think about the past and I AM DEFINITELY NOT SAYING YOLO!! But what I am saying is this: Life has many obstacles, and one of them is yourself.
Being self-degrading and hurting yourself and being depressed, staying locked away and hiding your emotions isn't good for you. You guys, I want you to promise me that you'll ask for help from a friend or a family member, anyone that can help.
Because I didn't. And I wish I had.
"Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get." - Forrest Gump
Sunday, October 27, 2013
RANDOMMMMM
All right, so here's the deal. I'm doing homework, and I just kind of felt like writing. Do you know how long it's been since I've felt like writing? Awhile...
Don't ask me why because I have no earthly idea why I just suddenly wanted to write. Maybe it's because NaNoWriMo is coming up soon, or maybe it's because I felt a little lonely... I'm not sure. All I know is that I need to get this homework done soon so I can go to sleep.
There's a lot of stress right now, and yeah, I love school and friends and all, but then again, grades are just awful. Not that my grades are awful, just getting graded for things is awful, ya know?
Anyways, I felt like writing, so here we go.
Reflection
As I look into the mirror, I see something I have never seen before. Something foreign to me. These eyes are not mine, and yet, when I move or blink, this person does the same.
But her eyes are not mine. These eyes are blue. Those are red.
This foreigner, though she is not me, she is.
How can I understand and get used to a life that is so new to me? The sights and the smells are different than usual. Everything is so overwhelming and I can't concentrate. I never even wanted to be this way. It's not my fault - it's his.
I slowly reach my hand up and touch the eyes looking back at me, the cold glass sliding underneath my fingertips. My hand falls to my side and in one swift movement, the mirror, shattered, is all over the floor. I turn around and out of the corner of my eye, see a pair of red eyes staring back at me.
**Check in every now and again to find out more about this girl as the story progresses.
Don't ask me why because I have no earthly idea why I just suddenly wanted to write. Maybe it's because NaNoWriMo is coming up soon, or maybe it's because I felt a little lonely... I'm not sure. All I know is that I need to get this homework done soon so I can go to sleep.
There's a lot of stress right now, and yeah, I love school and friends and all, but then again, grades are just awful. Not that my grades are awful, just getting graded for things is awful, ya know?
Anyways, I felt like writing, so here we go.
Reflection
As I look into the mirror, I see something I have never seen before. Something foreign to me. These eyes are not mine, and yet, when I move or blink, this person does the same.
But her eyes are not mine. These eyes are blue. Those are red.
This foreigner, though she is not me, she is.
How can I understand and get used to a life that is so new to me? The sights and the smells are different than usual. Everything is so overwhelming and I can't concentrate. I never even wanted to be this way. It's not my fault - it's his.
I slowly reach my hand up and touch the eyes looking back at me, the cold glass sliding underneath my fingertips. My hand falls to my side and in one swift movement, the mirror, shattered, is all over the floor. I turn around and out of the corner of my eye, see a pair of red eyes staring back at me.
**Check in every now and again to find out more about this girl as the story progresses.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Lyricist and Wolves
All right, guys, so here it goes. I am supposed to be doing homework and working on all of these things for school, and yet, I am sitting on my butt writing this blog. Do you know how frustrated I am that I can't even come up with a simple history essay?
I have written so many English essays and even an entire novel, and yet, I don't know what to write for history. My teacher even gave us three main points to expand upon and I am just sitting here like, "This printer paper is really soft... Why does it feel so fluffy?"
Anyways, I wanted to inform you guys of this new happening. I am now a lyricist for this upcoming band! My friend started his own screamo band and stuff and asked me to write him a poem, which I did. He liked it and has asked me to write him more. I'm actually pretty excited about this, except for the writing part.
Yeah, I'm good at poetry and I LOVE MUSIC, but this whole writing thing isn't really working out for me. I don't want to write anymore. My passion for it is gone. I don't want to stand up and speak in front of people or have to write things down on a white board. I don't want to be an English teacher anymore.
You see, I like numbers. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my math class - almost as much as I love music. Crunching numbers calms me down, and so does music. I listen to music as I crunch numbers. It's what I do. Or rather, it's what I want to do.
I'm trying to come up with some lyrics right now that have to do with dreaming and happiness. I'm not quite sure what stance I am going to take or exactly how I am going to develop the dreaming part, but I'll figure it out and let you guys know how it goes! I promise that next time I won't take as long to write another blog post.
Btw, the posts from earlier that talk about those crushes I had... Yeah, they're all pretty much invalid now. I mean, there's still this one guy that I have a crush on, but I won't say who. I'll leave that up to your imagination to see who I picked. And also, I don't really want to like anyone, ya know?
Anyways, how about a story?
I'll take that as a yes ;)
------------
Anther takes my hand in his and looks into my eyes. "I've liked you for a really long time, Threllion... Won't you go out with me?" I look away from Anther as my cheeks turn a bright red. I quietly scuff the bottom of my sneaker on the floor, trying not to seem extremely eager.
"You could have just said no, Threl..." I look up at Anther and see that he is already turned around, walking away from me. I notice that the back of his neck is streaked with random black lines, and I immediately run after him.
"Anther-" I rest my hand on his shoulder, but he jerks away from me. "Please, Anther..." He looks at me and I take a step back in surprise, not expecting his dark brown eyes to be pale blue. I rest my hand on his arm once again and his gaze follows my hand.
"What're you-"
"Can't you tell how I feel?" Anther looks down at me for a moment, puzzled by my words, before he takes a deep breath. He runs his fingers through his hair and I see that he has completely calmed down. Both his skin and eyes are now back to normal.
Suddenly, a pair of strong arms wraps around me, encircling me in warmth.
Almost instantly, though, the warmth disappears. It is replaced by the numbing chill of the ice cave. Now I remember... I open my eyes and see Anther pacing back and forth from one end of the cave to the other. "Anther?"
"I'm so glad you're awake! I think I came up with a plan to get us out of here and everything! Okay, so first we will wait out the blizzard and then-"
"Anther... We're stranded in here. I can't-"
"Don't you dare give up on me, Threl."
"But my leg-" I look down at my contorted leg and a wave of nausea washes over me as I see a bone protruding from my purplish-yellow skin. I cover my mouth with my hand and squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to see anymore.
"We'll be fine. As soon as the blizzard clears, we will be able to change and you'll be healed." I shake my head and take a few deep breaths, trying to suppress the stinging feeling in my eyes. It is to no avail. Hot tears run down my cheeks as I accept my fate.
Anther walks over to where I am sitting and slides down the wall until he hits the floor. He drapes his arm over my shoulders and pulls me close. "Why are you so upset about this all of the sudden? Was it your dream? It was just a dream, Threl..."
"Anther, I'm not going to make it through another day. I've already lost too much blood. And even if I do make it through the night, which is highly unlikely, I won't be able to move around and run with you. I won't even have enough energy to change."
"But-"
"Anther, if this is our last night together, would you rather us spend it arguing over my life or reminiscing about all of the good times we've had together?" I lay my head on Anther's shoulder and listen to him go on and on about his favorite parts of our friendship. I close my eyes and fall asleep to the sound of Anther's voice, ready to leave this earthly world.
We were best friends. We loved each other deeply, but our love was not enough to keep us together. Anther was right about the blizzard stopping quickly and was also right about me making it through the night. But the unexpected happened the day after that horrible blizzard.
Anther died.
I have written so many English essays and even an entire novel, and yet, I don't know what to write for history. My teacher even gave us three main points to expand upon and I am just sitting here like, "This printer paper is really soft... Why does it feel so fluffy?"
Anyways, I wanted to inform you guys of this new happening. I am now a lyricist for this upcoming band! My friend started his own screamo band and stuff and asked me to write him a poem, which I did. He liked it and has asked me to write him more. I'm actually pretty excited about this, except for the writing part.
Yeah, I'm good at poetry and I LOVE MUSIC, but this whole writing thing isn't really working out for me. I don't want to write anymore. My passion for it is gone. I don't want to stand up and speak in front of people or have to write things down on a white board. I don't want to be an English teacher anymore.
You see, I like numbers. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my math class - almost as much as I love music. Crunching numbers calms me down, and so does music. I listen to music as I crunch numbers. It's what I do. Or rather, it's what I want to do.
I'm trying to come up with some lyrics right now that have to do with dreaming and happiness. I'm not quite sure what stance I am going to take or exactly how I am going to develop the dreaming part, but I'll figure it out and let you guys know how it goes! I promise that next time I won't take as long to write another blog post.
Btw, the posts from earlier that talk about those crushes I had... Yeah, they're all pretty much invalid now. I mean, there's still this one guy that I have a crush on, but I won't say who. I'll leave that up to your imagination to see who I picked. And also, I don't really want to like anyone, ya know?
Anyways, how about a story?
I'll take that as a yes ;)
------------
Anther takes my hand in his and looks into my eyes. "I've liked you for a really long time, Threllion... Won't you go out with me?" I look away from Anther as my cheeks turn a bright red. I quietly scuff the bottom of my sneaker on the floor, trying not to seem extremely eager.
"You could have just said no, Threl..." I look up at Anther and see that he is already turned around, walking away from me. I notice that the back of his neck is streaked with random black lines, and I immediately run after him.
"Anther-" I rest my hand on his shoulder, but he jerks away from me. "Please, Anther..." He looks at me and I take a step back in surprise, not expecting his dark brown eyes to be pale blue. I rest my hand on his arm once again and his gaze follows my hand.
"What're you-"
"Can't you tell how I feel?" Anther looks down at me for a moment, puzzled by my words, before he takes a deep breath. He runs his fingers through his hair and I see that he has completely calmed down. Both his skin and eyes are now back to normal.
Suddenly, a pair of strong arms wraps around me, encircling me in warmth.
Almost instantly, though, the warmth disappears. It is replaced by the numbing chill of the ice cave. Now I remember... I open my eyes and see Anther pacing back and forth from one end of the cave to the other. "Anther?"
"I'm so glad you're awake! I think I came up with a plan to get us out of here and everything! Okay, so first we will wait out the blizzard and then-"
"Anther... We're stranded in here. I can't-"
"Don't you dare give up on me, Threl."
"But my leg-" I look down at my contorted leg and a wave of nausea washes over me as I see a bone protruding from my purplish-yellow skin. I cover my mouth with my hand and squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to see anymore.
"We'll be fine. As soon as the blizzard clears, we will be able to change and you'll be healed." I shake my head and take a few deep breaths, trying to suppress the stinging feeling in my eyes. It is to no avail. Hot tears run down my cheeks as I accept my fate.
Anther walks over to where I am sitting and slides down the wall until he hits the floor. He drapes his arm over my shoulders and pulls me close. "Why are you so upset about this all of the sudden? Was it your dream? It was just a dream, Threl..."
"Anther, I'm not going to make it through another day. I've already lost too much blood. And even if I do make it through the night, which is highly unlikely, I won't be able to move around and run with you. I won't even have enough energy to change."
"But-"
"Anther, if this is our last night together, would you rather us spend it arguing over my life or reminiscing about all of the good times we've had together?" I lay my head on Anther's shoulder and listen to him go on and on about his favorite parts of our friendship. I close my eyes and fall asleep to the sound of Anther's voice, ready to leave this earthly world.
We were best friends. We loved each other deeply, but our love was not enough to keep us together. Anther was right about the blizzard stopping quickly and was also right about me making it through the night. But the unexpected happened the day after that horrible blizzard.
Anther died.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Lifetime w/ a Story
Oh my gosh guys! I just finished these two really awesome stories! And one of them made my ahjdhflhsadkja and then the other did the same. I literally finished both of them last night and I couldn't even! I was so happy and sad at the same time! I couldn't deal with it! I just couldn't! They were both so cute and they're up there with my all time favorites!!
Story
Kel's Diary:
So anyways, I just thought that today and everyday would be a great day to tell you that I care about you. There have been a few instances where I've run into some people that didn't really want to keep on living. Even though I had no clue who they were, I felt that they just needed someone. I talked to them and helped them out, and everything was going well.
Don't worry, there are no "buts" in this story. See, all I wanted to say was that I love everyone and even if you don't like me, or if you even hate me, I will always leave a spot for you in my heart. These people that didn't want to live, I helped them realize the need for living. That they had a purpose in this world.
"Kel! It's time for school! Come on!!" I close my laptop and slide it into my messenger bag, running down the stairs and out the front door as my mother hands me a piece of toast for the road. I hop into Gavin's car and begin munching on my breakfast.
"Kel, how long were you going to make me wait?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." Gavin rustles my hair and I punch him in the shoulder.
"Ouch! Come on, I'm driving!" Gavin looks at me out of the corner of his eye and sighs. "You shouldn't do that. You're a girl."
"One, that was sexist. And two, if you don't want me to punch you, don't aggravate me!"
"Sorry, Miss Touchy-Feeley..." I punch Gavin once more and he winces, rubbing his shoulder.
"I don't know, neither do I want to know what exactly you're trying to imply." By the time I'm done with my breakfast and Gavin has pulled into the parking lot, classes have already started. "Gavin, we're late again!"
"It's not my fault that your fingers are glued to that electronic device of yours! It's been ages since anyone has ever used those things! Why do you insist on using it even though they're old and outdated?" I shrug and place my hand gently on my bag.
"Maybe it's because I feel that every time I type something with my fingers, I feel that I am reaching out to someone far away. Maybe I've helped a lot of people and I just don't know it yet. Somehow, though, I can feel that the things I have written have really brightened up someone's day. Someone... Somewhere..."
"Somewhere in that loopy head of yours. No one uses laptops anymore, Kel. Get over it and just go outside for the sunlight every once in a while... Like the rest of us. What happened to the Kel who used to play with me everyday after following me home from school? I miss that Kel..."
I didn't realize up until now that Gavin and I had stopped walking. He's closer to me now than he normally is. Since he's a lot taller than me, my face only comes up to his chest, but somehow, this closeness feels...different. "Gavin..?" I slowly look up to find him staring intently down at me.
His hand brushes against my cheek and I immediately take a step away from him. "Gavin, Kel, what're you doing?" Arel walks up to the two of us and wraps his arms around both of us. "Are the two of you skipping school this early in the morning?"
Gavin and I both shake our heads and Arel looks at the two of us questioningly. "Then, what're you-"
"Nothing, big brother. It's nothing to get concerned about." Gavin begins walking to his locker before I can even finish my sentence. Arel stands in front of me and crosses his arms over his chest.
"Kel..."
I quickly walk past Arel, but he grabs my arm. My eyes follow Gavin as he gets farther and farther away from me. "Please, Arel, I'll tell you later when we're at home." Arel narrows his eyes at me, but I feel his grip loosen, so I wiggle out of his grasp before he changes his mind.
By the time I get to the lockers, Gavin is already gone. "The only good think about lockers is that ours are next to each other, so we can talk in between classes and all... Even though we're in different grades, we still have our lockers next to each other. That's good, I guess."
"Of course it is. Now, hurry up, slowpoke. We have to get to class before the teacher thinks we're completely skipping out. Want me to walk you to your classroom?"
"Sure!" I smile at Gavin as he picks up my books, the two of us walking down the hallway together.
I'm glad I have a friend like him. He may be the only one, but he's the best...
Story
Kel's Diary:
So anyways, I just thought that today and everyday would be a great day to tell you that I care about you. There have been a few instances where I've run into some people that didn't really want to keep on living. Even though I had no clue who they were, I felt that they just needed someone. I talked to them and helped them out, and everything was going well.
Don't worry, there are no "buts" in this story. See, all I wanted to say was that I love everyone and even if you don't like me, or if you even hate me, I will always leave a spot for you in my heart. These people that didn't want to live, I helped them realize the need for living. That they had a purpose in this world.
"Kel! It's time for school! Come on!!" I close my laptop and slide it into my messenger bag, running down the stairs and out the front door as my mother hands me a piece of toast for the road. I hop into Gavin's car and begin munching on my breakfast.
"Kel, how long were you going to make me wait?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." Gavin rustles my hair and I punch him in the shoulder.
"Ouch! Come on, I'm driving!" Gavin looks at me out of the corner of his eye and sighs. "You shouldn't do that. You're a girl."
"One, that was sexist. And two, if you don't want me to punch you, don't aggravate me!"
"Sorry, Miss Touchy-Feeley..." I punch Gavin once more and he winces, rubbing his shoulder.
"I don't know, neither do I want to know what exactly you're trying to imply." By the time I'm done with my breakfast and Gavin has pulled into the parking lot, classes have already started. "Gavin, we're late again!"
"It's not my fault that your fingers are glued to that electronic device of yours! It's been ages since anyone has ever used those things! Why do you insist on using it even though they're old and outdated?" I shrug and place my hand gently on my bag.
"Maybe it's because I feel that every time I type something with my fingers, I feel that I am reaching out to someone far away. Maybe I've helped a lot of people and I just don't know it yet. Somehow, though, I can feel that the things I have written have really brightened up someone's day. Someone... Somewhere..."
"Somewhere in that loopy head of yours. No one uses laptops anymore, Kel. Get over it and just go outside for the sunlight every once in a while... Like the rest of us. What happened to the Kel who used to play with me everyday after following me home from school? I miss that Kel..."
I didn't realize up until now that Gavin and I had stopped walking. He's closer to me now than he normally is. Since he's a lot taller than me, my face only comes up to his chest, but somehow, this closeness feels...different. "Gavin..?" I slowly look up to find him staring intently down at me.
His hand brushes against my cheek and I immediately take a step away from him. "Gavin, Kel, what're you doing?" Arel walks up to the two of us and wraps his arms around both of us. "Are the two of you skipping school this early in the morning?"
Gavin and I both shake our heads and Arel looks at the two of us questioningly. "Then, what're you-"
"Nothing, big brother. It's nothing to get concerned about." Gavin begins walking to his locker before I can even finish my sentence. Arel stands in front of me and crosses his arms over his chest.
"Kel..."
I quickly walk past Arel, but he grabs my arm. My eyes follow Gavin as he gets farther and farther away from me. "Please, Arel, I'll tell you later when we're at home." Arel narrows his eyes at me, but I feel his grip loosen, so I wiggle out of his grasp before he changes his mind.
By the time I get to the lockers, Gavin is already gone. "The only good think about lockers is that ours are next to each other, so we can talk in between classes and all... Even though we're in different grades, we still have our lockers next to each other. That's good, I guess."
"Of course it is. Now, hurry up, slowpoke. We have to get to class before the teacher thinks we're completely skipping out. Want me to walk you to your classroom?"
"Sure!" I smile at Gavin as he picks up my books, the two of us walking down the hallway together.
I'm glad I have a friend like him. He may be the only one, but he's the best...
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Post--#--2
I wrote this first post for you guys... It was a life story kind of post. I decided not to post it because posting certain posts isn't good for anyone. I don't plan on posting it, but if I see anything like I saw earlier from someone again, I'll debate about writing something up. I wrote this second post instead of that earlier one...
My choice is simple.
The questions is, is yours?
Think about choices and what's going on in your life. That's all I have to say. No, I don't know some of you all that well, but I know enough. I know that sometimes you hurt and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're not.
It hurts.
Life.
Simple.
Sometimes I keep things bottled up inside, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I like to sit and listen to music for hours, sometimes I do my homework right when I get home, and all of the time, I pray for the world.
I pray for life. To not hurt. To shine. Life is wonderful and not so. It's so complex and beautiful that it's hard to understand. So how can something that words cannot describe, not matter how much you try, be so simple? We may put adjectives to it, but it's different for everyone. No one's life is the same. It's completely different. Every time. So...
Simple, really?
I disagree.
Here's a poem for you:
My choice is simple.
The questions is, is yours?
Think about choices and what's going on in your life. That's all I have to say. No, I don't know some of you all that well, but I know enough. I know that sometimes you hurt and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you're happy and sometimes you're not.
It hurts.
Life.
Simple.
Sometimes I keep things bottled up inside, and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I like to sit and listen to music for hours, sometimes I do my homework right when I get home, and all of the time, I pray for the world.
I pray for life. To not hurt. To shine. Life is wonderful and not so. It's so complex and beautiful that it's hard to understand. So how can something that words cannot describe, not matter how much you try, be so simple? We may put adjectives to it, but it's different for everyone. No one's life is the same. It's completely different. Every time. So...
Simple, really?
I disagree.
Here's a poem for you:
Veiled
I cover myself in shadows
So that I no longer have to feel
Pain
Remorse
Sorrow
I veil myself
So that no one can see
My true identity
I don't want to be veiled
Covered
Lost
How can I take this veil away
No, it is impossible
I cannot take this away
No matter how hard I try
This veil
It covers
And destroys
I cannot hope
Because of this veil
I cannot trust
Because of this veil
I cannot love
Because of this veil
This veil haunts me
It scares me
And makes me petrified
Of what my future may be
What is my future
This veil covers it
And I cannot see
The fog is too thick
And I cannot see
This feeling hurts
Blindness
How do I disperse it
How do I see
I no longer remember
Any sense of direction
Or any way to see
Any way to breathe
I am being suffocated by this veil
This veil
It hurts
And destroys
Why me
Why am I to be punished
By a veil that I cannot
Hurt
Destroy
Why is it me
Why am I to be punished
It does not make sense
Will it ever
I do not know these answers
But maybe someone else does
A best friend
A family member
A lover
Yes, one of them knows
But who
Who could possibly know
The real me
And my veil
What if someone far away knows
Or what if they're close to me
What if they're already in my heart
What do I do
If they've already torn down my veil
No
I haven't trusted someone
Not like that
But what if they figured it out
All from just looking at me
What then
What would I say to them
I would tell them everything
All about me
Even if it means
Means hurting
Means disbelieving
Means renouncing what I have veiled
This life
My veil
What if
What if it disappears
When I meet them
Maybe it will disappear
I must try
And uncover this dark veil
The dark veil that covers me
And contains me
It will be broken for the first time
But for the last
Only for one person
Now
I have veiled myself
In something pure
A happy veil
With someone who sees through
The veil of shadows
I am happy now
And with the one
Who sees the true me
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
xXxXx It's Not So xXxXx
**STORY AT BOTTOM OF POST
Overview:
I don't know how many of you guys watch PLL, but that season finale was so intense! I don't even know where to start haha :) But right now my head is so confused with the ending and everything just seems so jumbled. I can't believe it!
So... I'm a little scared for this year, guys. So many things going on and I don't know how to work them out. My once best friends are wheedling their way back into my life and then my other best friends are dropping me off a cliff and then these people that I didn't even think of as possible friends are now my friends and I just- it's been a really long week, and it's only Tuesday.
A few questions:
Why is life so hard?
--> It's life - that's how it's supposed to be. If it wasn't hard, life would just be called, "super happy fun time."
Why does my best friend insist on hiding things from me?
--> I don't know about you guys, but my best friend has been acting weird lately. I mean, last year this person was telling me to stay away from this guy because my friend was afraid that this dude would "hurt" me. Then, when I asked my friend why they felt that way, they said they couldn't tell me until I was older.
What does that even mean?!
--> I don't know... This person really confuses me, but I stay friends with them because I can't help it. They make me smile :)
Why are there all of these questions?
--> I just wanted to fill up some space in this blog...
STORY:
I feel as though I am being watched, but when I turn around, no one is there. I look up at the streetlight and pray to myself that he'll be here soon. I look at my watch and sigh. It's quarter to twelve, what could he be doing?
Suddenly, there is a loud screeching sound and everything around me darkens. I am aware of a slight feeling of weightlessness, but as quick as it came, it was gone. I feel my body hit the ground, but I'm not really there. I can see everything from a distance, as though I am looking at everything from above the earth.
I'm dead...
I look inside of the car and see him unconscious in the front seat, with blood running down the side of his head. I don't want to die yet... Not without him. His eye twitches and then he opens his eyes completely. "Ouch... Baby, what happened?"
He shakes his head back and forth and gets out of his car, walking around to the front. "What happened?!" He picks me up in his arms and I feel a slight tingling sensation in my back. He kisses my forehead and I see tears run down his face as he looks back to his car. "I was just trying to text you to tell you I'd be a little late. I didn't- I'd never mean to-" His voice breaks as a sob rises in his throat.
I can feel a stinging at the base of my neck and there's a lot of pressure on my body. Jolts of pain make my body convulse and everything goes black. I feel an enormous amount of pain as it courses through my body and when I slowly open my eyes, all I see is white.
Maybe I'm not dead...
Then, I see his face. Flashing red lights make my head ache and I close my eyes again. Everything fades away and I am left to my imagination as to what happened for the rest of that night.
I spent the next three months of my life in a hospital, having surgery after surgery, and he stood by me the whole time. He was able to do this because the charges of texting and driving were dropped when the police learned that his friend was behind the wheel, not him.
He was in a motorcycle accident a few years later, and the same thing happened to him. I've always wondered why, exactly, our lives were spared. I still haven't found the answer. but I know that someday, I will find my purpose in this world. We all will.
Overview:
I don't know how many of you guys watch PLL, but that season finale was so intense! I don't even know where to start haha :) But right now my head is so confused with the ending and everything just seems so jumbled. I can't believe it!
So... I'm a little scared for this year, guys. So many things going on and I don't know how to work them out. My once best friends are wheedling their way back into my life and then my other best friends are dropping me off a cliff and then these people that I didn't even think of as possible friends are now my friends and I just- it's been a really long week, and it's only Tuesday.
A few questions:
Why is life so hard?
--> It's life - that's how it's supposed to be. If it wasn't hard, life would just be called, "super happy fun time."
Why does my best friend insist on hiding things from me?
--> I don't know about you guys, but my best friend has been acting weird lately. I mean, last year this person was telling me to stay away from this guy because my friend was afraid that this dude would "hurt" me. Then, when I asked my friend why they felt that way, they said they couldn't tell me until I was older.
What does that even mean?!
--> I don't know... This person really confuses me, but I stay friends with them because I can't help it. They make me smile :)
Why are there all of these questions?
--> I just wanted to fill up some space in this blog...
STORY:
I feel as though I am being watched, but when I turn around, no one is there. I look up at the streetlight and pray to myself that he'll be here soon. I look at my watch and sigh. It's quarter to twelve, what could he be doing?
Suddenly, there is a loud screeching sound and everything around me darkens. I am aware of a slight feeling of weightlessness, but as quick as it came, it was gone. I feel my body hit the ground, but I'm not really there. I can see everything from a distance, as though I am looking at everything from above the earth.
I'm dead...
I look inside of the car and see him unconscious in the front seat, with blood running down the side of his head. I don't want to die yet... Not without him. His eye twitches and then he opens his eyes completely. "Ouch... Baby, what happened?"
He shakes his head back and forth and gets out of his car, walking around to the front. "What happened?!" He picks me up in his arms and I feel a slight tingling sensation in my back. He kisses my forehead and I see tears run down his face as he looks back to his car. "I was just trying to text you to tell you I'd be a little late. I didn't- I'd never mean to-" His voice breaks as a sob rises in his throat.
I can feel a stinging at the base of my neck and there's a lot of pressure on my body. Jolts of pain make my body convulse and everything goes black. I feel an enormous amount of pain as it courses through my body and when I slowly open my eyes, all I see is white.
Maybe I'm not dead...
Then, I see his face. Flashing red lights make my head ache and I close my eyes again. Everything fades away and I am left to my imagination as to what happened for the rest of that night.
I spent the next three months of my life in a hospital, having surgery after surgery, and he stood by me the whole time. He was able to do this because the charges of texting and driving were dropped when the police learned that his friend was behind the wheel, not him.
He was in a motorcycle accident a few years later, and the same thing happened to him. I've always wondered why, exactly, our lives were spared. I still haven't found the answer. but I know that someday, I will find my purpose in this world. We all will.
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