I had like seven Christmases because of my parents' divorce, but that's normal. They've been separated for a long time and divorced for quite a while. I honestly can't think of a time when they were together... Wow, that was eleven years ago, I feel old, man.
I went to Florida with my dad for a soccer tournament my stepsister played in. I'm not a big soccer fan so that was okay...
Two of my friends absolutely hate me. That's an event, I guess. I don't really know why. I guess I'm a jerk or something. I've known this one person for twelve years and they just now decided to tell me how they felt. My best friend hates me. I don't get it. The other person... We've had a few fights, but we've always worked it out. She won't even talk to me to tell me why we're no longer friends.
I know this post probably sounds like I'm just whining and stuff and being selfish and trying to get pity, but honestly, that's not what I want. I just want someone to listen.
After this post, I probably won't be posting a lot of other stuff on here because I'm going back to my old self and concentrating more on my real friends - the ones that care about me.
I'm done. I just don't want to be going through all of this. If they're done, I'm done. I'll be a friend, but if they hate me, there's not much I can do. So... I guess I'm just done with it all.
I'm signing off for now. Maybe I'll write some other time...
Here's one of my final poems. I wrote it a long time ago - 2 years, I think. Well, here it is:
Over
Can this really be over
I never thought that this would end
How can this be
How did this happen
What did I do to deserve this
Why can't I just be
Without not being me
I remember when we walked together
You said we'd be forever
What happened to him
How long will this petal be separated from the stem
Tell me
Why did you do this
Didn't we promise
That we'd always soar
Dearest Ashton,
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to talk about how I know what you're going through; that just seems like a cruel thing to do. But I can guarantee that the things that are happening are most likely not because of you. Sometimes people change, for better or for worse, and there is only a small chance that you did anything to turn them away from you. You are an amazing person, and anyone who says otherwise doesn't know how much you try, and they definitely don't see how much you care. I know you and I have not ever been incredibly close, but you are still a part of my life. I want you to know that I'm here, and even if I wasn't, someone is always listening.
I don't know if you want a reply to your post, and if you wish, you can pretend I never wrote this. But I just wanted to ask you: please, don't let other peoples decisions rule your life. I know from experience that doing this will only bring hurt. It's your life, and I know for a fact that you're strong enough to get through any obstacle.
This isn't me pitying you. This is me understanding, even if only a little, where you're coming from. Humans are so funny. We think that everything wrong happening around us could somehow be connected to our own actions. I've realized that this isn't always the case. And I know that you aren't responsible for your friends' choices. Please don't think otherwise. Remain strong, and I'll do my best to do the same.
Forgive me if anything in this comment is offensive to you in any way. I'm not here to judge or to be judged. I'm writing this because I understand, and I hope that's okay.
Love, Liz.